User:BrittanyAngelMa/Yuri Yokomizo/Kgn.wht Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

BrittanyAngelMa


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Yuri YokomizoLink to the current version of the article (if it exists)

Evaluate the drafted changes
Lead:

The lead is clear and summarizes her career in a concise and simple way, this is a very good intro as it is easy to understand and very clear.

Content:

I believe it will be beneficial if you can find her birth date and area she was born, this will be helpful in making her more identifiable and well rounded in the article. I think it would help to start with 'Early life' like family, DOB etc, and talk about her upbringing as it influences her art practices.

Early Career:

In this section you have successfully gathered information to create a clear and concise description of her career. The paragraph was full of facts that had been accurately cited and have been back up with several sources. In this article there isn't any information that I don't think is unnecessary. I'm glad you were able to describe the characters as not just for children but for adults too, you created a clear description of what the toy is meant to do and the appeal that it has to all ages. This is important to define as this creates a huge distinction to other toys made for the market. However a lot of this information can be found on the Sumikko Gurashi, I would like to see more personal information about her and why she decided to create characters. The article focuses a lot on the line she created and movie but there is little information on who she is, where she studied, where she is from, how her practice evolved, and where she is now. I think adding these details to the article will create better differentiation between the two pages.

Tone and Balance:

I believe the author has created a very balanced article, there is no personal opinion added and each claim is backed up by reliable sources. I think it would be interesting if there was information on how slow/ fast in popularity the characters grew and the commercial success (if available).

Organization:

The organization to this article is very cleanly laid out and provides a concise timeline of her early career, the separation of projects helps the reader differentiate the progression of the brand. However there should be a section for personal life or early life so the reader can have more of a background story on who she is rather than just her career.

Images:

No images used in 1st draft however I would love to see which picture you think would best represent her.

New Article:

I believe Yuri is of notability for a wikipedia page however there needs to be a focus on her rather then just her work as it looks similar to the brands Wikipedia page.

Most of the sources are about her work specifically.

Over all Impressions:

This is a great start! I think you are a really talented writer and you definitely know how to refine information to the core of the topic, you did an excellent job citing and developing information about her career. Only a few things to add would be to add more about Yuri herself like her university, family members, DOB, and linking key words in the article to connected wikipedia pages (ie. San-x, Sumikko Gurashi, Japan, and Rilakkuma).