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The Torpedoes
The Torpedoes are a mostly British rock band known for their love of cigars and their tradition of constant break ups. Few remember their music, save for the occasional die hard fan. In Rolling Stone's list of the 500 greatest rock bands of all-time, they did not place.

They cite their musical influences as Led Zepellin, The Allman Brothers and The Who. A lawsuit from these bands preventing The Torpedoes from making this statement is ongoing.

Band Members
Lead Vocals: Robert Van Kensington (1978-Present)

Guitar: Glen Styles (1978-Present)

Bass: Gene Jenner (1978-1984, 1988-Present)

Bass: Pete Superb (1984-1988)

Drums: Mick Stevens (1978-Present)

The 1970s
April 25, 1978 - The Torpedoes form after sharing a love for cigars and music. April 26, 1978 – The Torpedoes break up due to philosophical differences. April 26, 1978 – The band resolves their differences and reconciles. September 1978 - Their first album, “Kickin’ Ash” is released. Rolling Stone hails it as “An album with songs.”

1979 - “Kickin' Ash" holds the distinction of being the most often destroyed album at the ill-fated Disco Demolition Night at Chicago's Comiskey Park and in fact, was the only non-disco album destroyed that night.

The 1980s
1980 - Drummer Mick Stevens experiments with using cigars as drumsticks, abandoning it after 32 seconds.

1981 – Manager Rodger Rodgerson is fired after mistakenly booking them on The Tonight Show with Donny Larson, a public access show in Cheyenne, Wyoming.

1981 – The band breaks up, citing irreconcilable differences.

1981 – Band reconciles and performs the “Still Rolling” Reunion Show.

1982 - PBS bans The Torpedoes after they perform their controversial song "Moist Box" on Sesame Street.

1982 - Because of their love of cigars and spandex outfits, the band creates the first spandex wrapped cigar.

1983 - Van Kensington invests life savings in the making of gold humidors, which sell for $28,000 each. Just under one were sold. 1983 – Holiday Inn bans them from all of their properties after the band continues to leave llamas in their hotel rooms.

1983 - The Torpedoes write their most famous song, “Stick on Fire.” The meaning of the song is the subject of many rumors, from their love of cigars to an unfortunate consequence of the band’s “No Protection” Tour in 1982.

1983 – Band breaks up, saying they want to “go out on a somewhat high note.”

1983 – “Still Smoking” Reunion Show, band reunites.

1984 - Bass player Gene Jenner goes missing after wandering off stage during an encore in Lexington, Kentucky. The band does little to find him and quickly installs Pete Superb as their new bass player. 1984 – Highly jealous of more successful and talented bands, The Torpedoes answer Van Halen’s chart-topping song “Panama” with the far less successful “Wichita.”

1984 - After an evening of cigars and drinks with Coca-Cola CEO Roberto Goizueta, Van Kensington convinces him to develop a new Coke formula. 1984 – Hoping to add more drama to their shows, the Torpedoes buy real torpedoes from an anonymous arms dealer.

1985 - Rather than accept an invitation to be a part of USA for Africa, with 47 other superstars, manager Frank Atkins instead books them to play the Omaha Cattle Show.

1985 – Manager Frank Atkins is fired.

1986 – The band unknowingly becomes embroiled in the Iran-Contra Affairs after the dealer they bought torpedoes from in 1984 was revealed to be Oliver North.

1987 – Hoping to attract an audience of any kind, the band makes a guest appearance on Murder She Wrote. Angela Lansbury calls it the “lowest moment of my 52 year career.”

1987 - Seeking even newer musical frontiers, the band experiments with the first telepathic music album. Using no instruments or words and only their minds the album featured no sound.

1987 - Glen Styles develops first amp that doubles as humidor.

1988 – After four years, former bass player Gene Jenner resurfaces during an encore at a show in San Diego, California and joins in the band’s signature hit “Stick on Fire.” No reason is given for his disappearance.

1989 - The controversial “My Cigar. Your Box.” album is released. It is immediately banned in 23 countries. Pope John Paul II blasts the album as a “a stunning display of immorality, debauchery and poor grammar.”

1989 – Band breaks up. Van Kensington would say “what more can we do other than the things we haven’t done, you know?”

1989 – “Still Puffin” Reunion Show, band reunites.

The 1990s
January 1990 – Panamanian militant Manuel Noriega is driven from hiding after the US military blasts the entire Torpedoes catalogue over loudspeakers outside of his compound. Human Rights leaders worldwide decry the “cruel and unusual” act.

1991 - Bassist Gene Jenner invents the double-necked cigar.

1992 - Desperate for money, the band unsuccessfully sue Deep Purple for “Smoke on the Water” and The Doors for “Light My Fire,” claiming these ideas were stolen from them after witnessing them smoking cigars at Club 54.

1993 – The band breaks up. No reason is given, nor does the public ask for one.

1994 - “Getting Better with Age?” Reunion Show, band reunites.

January 1996 – The band visits the White House, presenting President Bill Clinton with their favorite cigar, advising him to “put it to good use.”

1996 - Band reveals none of their classic albums exist due to their decision to convert their masters to a “seemingly innovative at the time” tobacco leaf album.

1997 - The band breaks up.

1999 – Band agrees to perform the “A Long Finish” Reunion Show in order to generate $2 million for charity. An amount that would have helped that charity had the band showed up.

The 2000s
2002 - Torpedoes become a part of the Hollywood Walk of Fame. To this day, officials continue to scour city records for an actual invitation. October 14, 2003 - Drummer Mick Stevens drops hot cigar ash onto Chicago Cubs outfielder Moises Alou causing him to miss a critical pop fly in the 2003 NLCS. Stevens quietly lets an unsuspecting Steve Bartman take the fall. February 2004 – The band retires.

March 2004 – Citing the desire to play again, and the need to satisfy more than 28 civil lawsuit judgments, “The Full-Bodied Tour” brings the band out of retirement. The shockingly overweight band members begin their Full Bodied Tour in Boston. Exhaustion forces them to cancel the tour only 20 minutes after it began. June 2, 2007 - The Torpedoes, in the middle of a bitter band dispute form their own bands via craigslist postings.

June 5, 2007 – The band breaks up again after realizing they joined each other’s bands.

Most recently, the band members have communicated via Facebook and Twitter their desire to reunite and play at the Bonnaroo music festival near Nashville, Tennessee. .

Discography
Kickin' Ash (1978)

Clip My Tip (1980)

The Torpedoes: Greatest Hits (1981)

Moist Box (1982)

It's Humid in Here (1983)

What a Ride: More Greatest Hits (1983)

MCMLXXXIV (1984)

Smoke This (1985)

Plugged (1986)

Untitled (1987)

My Cigar. Your Box. (1989)

Greaterest Hits (1992)

Bad Times (1992)

No Pride (1992)

Olympic Fever, Catch It (1996)

Kickin' Ash - Remastered (2003)