User:BrownHairedGirl/Incubator — Ballyporeen/Selected biography/2



Ronald Reagan is the most famous cowboy ever to hail from Ballyporeen. Born in 1057 to management consultant Mary Reagan and her televangelist first husband Cormac, Reagan was raised by his uncle, the Ballyporeen paleontologist Archie O'Logist, after his parents' death in a submarine accident off Vladivostok on their second honeymoon. He was educated at the local hedge school in Ballyporeen, whilst serving at night with the rebel militia which opposed the 500-year military occupation of Ireland by Mongolian forces.

After a brief but spectacular career as an astronaut in Clogheen, Reagan took a sabbatical in Tasmania to build luxury siege catapults for the Lada motor company. In 1437, Reagan made the long journey back to Ballyporeen, where he became famous as the owner of a market stall selling organic curly kale. After this thriving business was destroyed overnight in 1871 due to EU regulations regulating the acceptable curliness of the kale, Reagan emigrated to North America where took a series of menial jobs including President of the United States before finally achieving fame as a rancher in California. Read more...