User:Browneye123/Labor Zionism/Dolphin372 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Browneye123


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Browneye123/Labor Zionism
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Labor Zionism

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

Lead: The lead provides an introductory sentence that gives a concise and accurate view of the topic. It includes information that is not present in the article. It might be necessary to provide a more detailed description of the main beliefs of Labor Zionism. In addition, it would be good to go into more detail about why Jewish immigrants were influenced by Marxism and sympathized with the spread of Marxism in Russia at the time.

Content: All of the content is relevant to the topic of Labor Zionism and up-to-date. There is no content that does not belong, but I think it is necessary to derive more information from the source by Goldstein on Hashomer and Bar-Giora. For example, the source by Goldstein mentions that Hashomer believed in the formation of a workers' class in Palestine and the development of the Jewish agricultural settlement, so that would be a good addition to the article. In addition, it would help the draft if there was more information about the ideologies of the founders of Labor Zionism.

Tone and Balance: The draft's content is neutral and is not biased towards a particular position. It states the facts in a coherent way and there is a good flow to the draft. No viewpoint appears to be overrepresented or underrepresented. The content does not attempt to persuade the reader in favor of a particular position.

Sources and References: There should be a source at the end of the first paragraph, but otherwise all of the information is backed up by reliable and thorough sources. The sources used are both reliable and recent, but it will be necessary to find more secondary sources on Labor Zionism and a primary source from one of the main thinkers of the movement. In addition, the source by Goldstein is listed twice in the References section. The content backs up what the sources say in an accurate manner.

Organization: The content is well-written and easy to read with very few errors. A minor clarification is that I am pretty sure BarGiora should be written as Bar-Giora and HaShomer should be written as Hashomer. Also, at the end of the second paragraph the word "solidarity" should follow "international". Other than that, the content is written quite well. In addition, the content is divided in a logical way and is well-organized.

Overall Impressions: Overall, my impression is that the article is written very well and gives a good description of Labor Zionism. The information added gives a good description of how the socialist ideas of Labor Zionism were used during the Second Aliyah. It will just be necessary to find more sources to give a more detailed description of the movement's main ideas. As mentioned previously, it would also to help to go into more detail about Hashomer and Bar-Giora.