User:Browneye123/Labor Zionism/Notsunny9299 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Browneye123


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Browneye123/Labor Zionism


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Labor Zionism

Evaluate the drafted changes
Depending on where you plan to place your paragraph, it could affect the overall flow of the Wikipedia page. The existing lead of the page is very long and almost reads like it should be its own "history" section. To that end, I would suggest adding your paragraph about the second aliyah to those paragraphs and make it a whole independent section.

Otherwise, currently, the page reads disorganized with no clear structure as to how different paragraphs are organized.

In terms of content, I believe you added credible content from trustworthy secondary sources that are relevant to the existing article. Your focus on the second aliyah is a good choice because of the central role that the second aliyah played in the development of Labor Zionism as a whole movement.

These sentences need citation:


 * 1) Additionally, the First Aliyah was met by backlash because of the Rothschild’s family’s funding of the settlements.
 * 2) The settlements were criticized by Nachman Syrkin and Ber Borochov, two of Labor Zionism’s founders, because Arab labor was preferred over Jewish labor.
 * 3) These values were implemented during the second Aliyah by using the Hebrew language, only hiring Jewish labor, and the creation of HaShomer and the BarGiora, to work towards independence in this new land.
 * 4) In April 1913, the Poale Zion, the Labor Zionist Party, held a conference and published writing that addressed the question of Jewish defense, nationalism, and Marxism, all of which seemed to contradict.

Specific points that you should consider:


 * 1) The term "IDF" is not defined. I think you should not assume any prior knowledge of your audience. You could link to the IDF page on Wikipedia.
 * 2) "Bar Goria" is inconsistently spelled. I think it's "Bar Giora" if you're referring to the Jewish militia.
 * 3) "the creation of HaShomer and the BarGiora, to work towards independence in this new land." Bar Giora was the precursor to Hashomer so you should list them in a chronological fashion.