User:Buchanan-Hermit/Mittens the Untameable

This was speedily deleted on October 1, but I found this funny, and want to keep it here. :)

Life
Mittens was born in Pembroke Castle, the ancestral home of the Pembroke Welsh Corgi. When she was three weeks old, she decided to become a Sword Fighter, following in the steps of her father, Rex the Righteous. She practiced every day, rain or shine, no matter what. Her first real test of swordsmanship was against her older brother, Kibbles. Kibbles was the top student in the castle, and undefeated in the art of the sword. Mittens, who had not perfected her "Blazing Doggy Paddle" style (and would not for some time), lost miserably. Emblazoning that defeat in her heart, she vowed never to lose again. Mittens retreated into seclusion, there she perfected what is largely considered to be the best Sword-fighting techniques ever crafted by Corgi kind.

One dog year later, she confronted Kibbles, and, in a flash of anger, dealt him a mortal blow. On his death bad, she licked his wounds and whimpered, but to no avail.

Deterred by Kibbles' death, she backpacked across Europe, through the Swiss Alps, and into the Middle East. Historians largely agree that it was in what is now present day Saudi Arabia that she was captured by Mongol slavers.

For the next four years Mittens was imprisoned in the traveling camps of the Mongol Horde. Here she was pitted against other slaves in the Fighting Pits. Years of constant battles against bears, wolves, giraffes, and the now extinct ungulates, honed her fighting skills.

Finally leading a rebellion against the Mongol Horde, she succeeded in freeing herself and numerous others in a horrendous battle reffered to as "The Bloodbath of Mongolia," largely considered to be the only bath the Mongol Horde ever had.

Now with a veritable army at her back, Mittens returned home to claim her rightful seat as the Queen of Pembroke Castle. However, her evil uncle had taken it over, and turned it into Castille LaBlanc, a hive of scum and villainy.

Bursting through the double-doors, she found her uncle, Patches, on the throne. She barked and growled menacingly. He bared his teeth. What followed was the most fabled battle ever recorded in the annals of Corgi history.

Using the blood-rusted sword she had defeated the Mongols with, Mittens lept into battle. What she did not know, however, was that Patches had raided her father's vaults and found Tailchaser, the fabled greatsword of Pembroke castle. With one mighty swing, he shattered Mittens' sword in two. Mittens however showed no fear. As Patches broke off into a longwinded speech about his evil plan and how he carried it out, Mittens lept onto his sword arm and wrenched free her birthright. Patches revealed himself to be a coward and wet the floor. Mittens then hit him on the nose with a rolled up newspaper, and decapitated him for Treason against all Corgi Kind.

This was just the first of many great adventures that lay in store for Mittens.