User:CAPam30/Sport communication careers/Makenna.luke Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

CAPam30


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:CAPam30/Sport_communication_careers?preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Sport communication careers

Evaluate the drafted changes
With the lead section I think you made some valuable changes to the flow of the article along with adding good basic information that is useful to the paper that helps to understand the direction of what is going to be talked about

When it comes to the career section especially the phot journalism part I feel that it would be easier to read if it was potentially separated into multiple paragraphs rather than the large one that it is in right now. It also talks about way more than just photo journalism so breaking it up will make it more concise and better understood.

I would consider switching the careers and sports communication setting entirely I think it will make the article flow way better and it will get rid of the unnecessary repetition of the definition of sports communication entirely.

When it comes to the main topic being sports communication I am lacking the understanding of why you added the “this field of study also examines how coaching strategies over tine can change….” That sentence and the one following it doesn’t quite relate to what the initial topic is for this Wikipedia article so I would suggest making an alteration on the first part of that sentence or finding a better option to describe what you are trying to say. For example, maybe write more about how the coach communicates and how it relates to the team and their performance.

In the fourth paragraph under the sports communication studies section I would consider removing the statement “this lends further question and research into gender-role beliefs and stereotype particularly in sport, of which further communication study is needed.” I feel this statement doesn’t add anything important to the paper and does not need to be included.

When it comes to your sources I thought you chose a good variety when it comes to the content and I also thought you did a good job with including them in the paper. Along with that I noticed a lot of them were more updated which I also thought was a good addition to the overall paper.

Overall, I thought this was a really good rough draft but could use minor editing. Most of the additions that you made and alterations I felt really benefitted the paper and made it more concise to the topic