User:CBrown405/Emil von Behring/Haley315 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

CBrown405


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:CBrown405/Emil von Behring


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Emil von Behring

Lead section
I do not believe the lead section has been edited by my classmate yet, but I think it could be improved. The first sentence does state the article topic and the notability of the subject, but I think the rest of the section could be a little bit longer once more details are added to the rest of the article.

Article
I'm not sure where the draft in the sandbox is going to end up in the final article, but I will assume it is going to fall under the "Biography" heading. However, I think there is possibly an opportunity for my classmate to improve the overall structure of the article by renaming the Biography section to "Scientific Career" and moving any personal information to the "Personal Life" section.

The paragraph in the sandbox is written from a neutral standpoint, but there are a couple grammatical errors that could easily be fixed. In general, I think more information could be added to flesh out the article even more, which is something that I know I have to do for my own article as well.