User:CDD2112/Battle of Tanagra (457 BC)/BlueCat976 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

CDD2112


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:CDD2112/Battle_of_Tanagra_(457_BC)?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Battle of Tanagra (457 BC)

Evaluate the drafted changes
Content

I recommend adding a lot more detail into the lead paragraph - it should tell you what will follow in the article, a breakdown of what happened, general understanding etc. One sentence is not quite enough to fully explain all of that

I assume not copying over the Background section means it will stay the same – if you are removing it I highly recommend not doing it, but it seems fine in the original so I assume you are keeping it

The new and old version seem fairly choppy in the splitting up of the paragraphs as they are currently. In the section The Battle, I would add lots more details regarding each of the paragraphs (definitely look into more sources, there is a one-sentence reference to it in the optional book for the class Ancient Greece From Prehistoric to Hellenistic Times, but that won’t help too much).

Good additions to the Aftermath section

-         I would refrain from using terms like “now”, it just seems a little too informal for a wiki article

-         The one sentence that was copied over from the original article (“two months… built”) seems really strangely worded, what exactly are you trying to say? Maybe reword it, as someone who is not familiar with the topic it doesn’t make much sense grammar-wise

You are going to want to link every possible thing you can – so like every time you mention Sparta, link it to the Sparta Wikipedia page, same thing for Athens and any other term that is used. Wikipedia likes these kinds of things

References:

As I stated before, a wide variety of sources is really important (I will say I struggled with this for my article so I get not having a ton!)

I recommend using the shortened version of references under a Notes tab less cluttered – for example you would have Rahe p163 under notes (the [1] that you would click on leads you here) then an alphabetized list under References with the long citations (the whole Rahe, Paul Anthony (2019)…. ISBN)

Media and Images:

I am not sure if it is possible to get any images, however if you could fine some image (free to use of course) of maybe a map of where this battle happened, recovered relics from the site or something like that, it would make the page more aesthetically appealing