User:Cameron Kletke/Esfir Shub/Lins8719 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

(Cameron Kletke)


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Cameron%20Kletke/Esfir_Shub?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Esfir Shub

Evaluate the drafted changes
Lead


 * Concise and straightforward
 * Reference to one of the films in the Documentaries section of Career
 * Maybe could include a mention about Shub's style of filming

Content


 * There's a lot of information that makes the article look word heavy but it may be because of explaining the quotations
 * Nice job on finding and questioning the credibility of some information and fixing it

Tone and Balance


 * A majority of the article seems to be neutral; however, some quotations sort of give off an opinion, such as “'nothing like Shub’s films had existed before them, and her work remains among the finest examples of the compilation technique.'"

Sources and References


 * It looks like you used sources that are recent (2021)
 * Although I think the source for Gadassik is listed three times in the References? You're able to re-use sources by clicking the Cite option at the top then clicking on the Re-use tab (look for the source you want to Re-use).

Organization


 * The information is concise but it comes down to the way it is structured. It reminds me of an essay (in terms of providing a quotation and explaining it).
 * Would paraphrasing these quotations help with the fixing the text heavy sections?
 * Are these quotations beneficial or can they be omitted?
 * Can some sentences or bits of info be omitted if they don't seem to add anything except for more words? Or can they be reworded?
 * Maybe certain events can be grouped together under a year that had experienced some activity (e.g. 1927)
 * It's nice to note the grammatical/punctuation errors you spotted and consider fixing in a future edit.

Images and Media


 * Providing a visual such as a cover for one the films discussed or maybe a still from one of the films could add interest for the reader and make the article look lively