User:Cameronsimons24/American Sports Activism/Dingers99 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Cameronsimons24


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Cameronsimons24/American_Sports_Activism?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * N/A
 * N/A

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

Lead:

The lead paragraph provides some solid information on the topic. For example, it talks about former sports activists such as Jackie Robinson and also current sports activists such as Lebron James and Colin Kaepernick. The paragraph provides some brief details on what these people have done to use their platform to advance causes that they believe in. I think it could definitely use some more sources. I know it's still early and I'm sure you're planning on adding more but that would be my first suggestion. I think the lead paragraph comes off as more of a narative instead of an encyclopedia. There are lead statements such as the first sentence, "Professional sports in the United States play a pivotal part in the culture of the United States." This sounds like it's trying to lead the reader to a particular conclusion. I would try to find a source to back this claim. I would also focus on making the lead more of a summary of the main points of the article.

Content:

The content you have is solid. It looks like you're planning on adding more sections as well which I think is a great idea. It is relevant to the topic and up to date. All of the content belongs in the article. The only thing I would say is to focus on adding more sources.

Tone and Balance:

The tone and balance is neutral for the most part. I think the body sections after the lead are extremely neutral. They do a good job of just presenting facts about the topic. I did think the lead was not quite as balanced although I already mentioned that. I don't think their are any viewpoints that are over or underrepresented. The paragraphs that you are planning on including seem like good paragraphs to include and I'm sure you'll be able to make them relevant to the topic.

Sources and References:

The sources you have are great. They are relevant to the topic. The links I clicked on worked for me. I would just focus on adding some more of them.

Organization:

Your sentences and paragraphs are organized. The content is clear and well written. It is also concise. It doesn't seem too wordy.

Images and Media:

There are no images in the article. It may help to add pictures of the people you mention. For example, adding a picture of Jackie Robinson.

Overall Impressions:

Overall, this is a solid article. I think the sections you have are concise and well written. I think the sections you plan to add are relevant and will help the reader understand more about the topic. The biggest thing I would work on is adding more sources. You could also add images and make the lead paragraph a little less like a narrative and more like an encyclopedia.