User:Can7f5/Urbanization in Africa/Tjrxhp Peer Review

General info
Can7f5
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Can7f5/Urbanization in Africa - Wikipedia
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Urbanization in Africa - Wikipedia

Evaluate the drafted changes
Early History:

The first sentence in this paragraph is kind of hard to understand, maybe phrase it a little differently. I think getting rid of "The formations of cities and towns" and just starting the sentence on "The processes..." will make it read easier.

I think the wording in this paragraph could be altered to a more neutral point of view. The way it is worded now makes it sound like argumentation coming from yourself, particularly in the section "There are three conditions needed for urbanization to begin. First there must be a food surplus to feed those who are not employed in agriculture. Second there must be a ruling class which facilitates the movement of this food surplus from those who create it to those living within the city. Finally there must be merchants and traders to supply this new working class with the materials necessary to accomplish their work." This is a claim that likely came from a scholar somewhere, and it has room to be argued against. This can be ok, just make sure you frame it as an argument coming from someone else. Including a qualifier like "Experts have argued..." or "According to..." can help make the voice of the paragraph more neutral.

Another note I'd make is that this paragraph is a little sparse on citations. Citing a source anytime you bring in a new piece of information will also help the paragraph read more neutrally.

The other additions have a much more neutral voice, and all have appropriate citations.

Citations:

The link on the first citation works which is great. If the second citation is a book, maybe include page numbers you found your information on. (doesn't need to be super precise, just something like (p.67-69).