User:CapsuleJet2

Often considered Wikipedias's most reliable editor, CapsuleJet2 has won several Pulitzer Prizes for his contributions and additions to the platform. He is well regarded by most everyone and has had a very positive impact on the Wikipedia community.

Historical Information
CapsuleJet2 was born on a rainy day in Berlin on February 22, 1770. He was born to a couple which, shortly after his birth, committed suicide as they were under the impression that they had doomed the world as a result of their procreation. For this reason, their identities remain unknown. CapsuleJet2 raised himself in the slums of Berlin, often eating nails and discarded newspaper for survival. At age 5, he found residence with a man named Thomas Turkey, who is quoted as calling Capsule, "the strangest and most trash-eating addicted juvenile" he had ever seen. Capsule lived at this residence until age 24, when he decided it was "due time to move out and find an occupation, probably in the red light district or something." Instead of becoming a prostitute, however, he found a career in shoelace manufacturing. It's unclear exactly when, but at some point he was fired from this job. The only evidence that suggests a reason is a journal entry dated March 7, 1794 that describes an altercation between him and his employer. According to the journal, his employer asked him about his recent workplace performance as there had been rumors that Capsule was showing up to work intoxicated. Capsule responded by violently shaking his boss, and saying "I don't give a fuck if I'm drunk! How's a motherfucker supposed to make shoelaces all day without a little buzz?" Apparently, his boss agreed and Capsule was not terminated for this action. However, when a new management team took over, they found this anecdote from his past problematic and fired him promptly.

Present Life
No one quite knows what happened to CapsuleJet2. The last record of his existence was when he stole a married couple's baby and tried to feed it to an alligator, only to find that alligators prefer their humans to be at least 16 months old, lightly buttered, and broiled. With no access to an oven, Capsule was forced to abandon his plan and return the child, apologizing incessantly to the parents, as he "had a moment of delusion and does not normally do this."