User:Carlosesca/Witchcraft Beliefs in Ghana/Carolynyoung31 Peer Review

Peer review
This is where you will complete your peer review exercise. Please use the following template to fill out your review.

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing? Carlosesca
 * Link to draft you're reviewing: User:Carlosesca/sandbox

Lead
==== The lead provides a lot of context for witchcraft, but it never explicitly explains what Ghanaian witchcraft is, such as what the common practices/beliefs include. Also, the introduction does read a little bit like an essay in which you're trying to make an argument. You especially emphasize the violence associated with witchcraft which comes off as if you're arguing that the practices are inherently or commonly violent. You could remove the argumentative tone by maybe including that observers or scholars have noted that witchcraft has a long history of violence. I also am not sure it's necessary to mention the violence that many times in the intro. I think some of the info in the intro could be moved to the body. Also, something that might confuse that audience is that witchcraft in Ghana is not it's own religion. It exists under the blanket of animism which is a larger traditional religion, so I would be sure to include that in the intro. Witchcraft itself is not a religion. ====

Content
==== I think there should be more added in the Religion section. Christianity and Islam are the primary religions practiced in Ghana today and overshadow witchcraft itself, so explaining witchcraft in modern day Ghana would entail explaining how those religions interact with witchcraft elements/beliefs. I would especially mention Islam because witchcraft is mostly practiced in the north where they are predominantly Muslim, the Christian South does not see as much witch craft. I also think that's another important piece of information to include in general. ====

Tone and Balance
==== One note on the tone is that it sometimes came off a little casual. Phrases like "on the daily" could be changed to have a more professional tone. Also, because you focus so much on violence in your article it kind of overshadows everything else. It turns the article towards that bias, because there's not much other information that balances out that argument. Even the part where you talk about music, you explicitly make the argument that witchcraft is violent and is a negative entity. While, there may be violence associated with witchcraft in Ghana, it is a much more complex and nuanced subject. ====

New Article Evaluation
The use of linked articles was really good especially since this is a new article.

Overall evaluation
The article comes off like you have an agenda of arguing that witchcraft in Ghana is inherently violent and negative. I would be careful with word choice and I would also add more information to balance out the information on violence. I also personally think it's important to talk about Christianity and Islam's interaction with witchcraft because otherwise it looks like you're suggesting witchcraft is a huge practice in Ghana, when it is not. It's a bit more of a marginal practice. I also think more attention needs to be paid to what witchcraft in Ghana even means and what it looks like.