User:CarolineIRivera/Hartley Bay Indian Band/Celisp Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

CarolineIRivera


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * Editing User:CarolineIRivera/Hartley Bay Indian Band - Wikipedia


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)

Evaluate the drafted changes
Lead: This section looks good and provides helpful general information. But I am still confused on where this is taking place. I'm not sure where Hartley Bay or Prince Rupert is located, and perhaps could be linked to another WIkipedia article to help with that, but should be clear from the start (considering this could be explained later on in the article). Additionally, it should also be able to lead to or introduce what will be discussed for the rest of the article.

Content: Overall, this does provide a helpful information and provides wide-ranging content, including sports which was not one topic point that I considered. However, it does seem that some of these can definitely be expanded. As the sports section only has one sentence. For the Covid-19 section, I was able to utilize recent articles that were written about how they fared and what other issues compounded on top of that. Additionally, you quickly mentioned disputes with fishing industries and that can definitely gone to more specifics of that. (who would usually win and the specific cases, etc).

Tone: The tone of the article throughout was definitely unbiased as there was no emotional suggestions being made, and was done very informative. However, I think the tone can be improved by being more formal. There would be simple sentences at the end at some of the paragraphs that are put in an odd position (in my opinion) and could probably be interwoven with the paragraph better or be expanded more.

Visual Images: This could definitely benefit from images, usually a map would be at the beginning to better show where the Indian Band would be located. But also, much of the article focuses on culture, so any image showing that would be beneficial as that is sometimes more difficult to convey through only text.

Overall, this is a great starting point, and notice that this is only a draft as signified by the small amount of spelling errors, etc. Definitely a lot of potential.