User:Carrotplushie/The Promised Neverland/Maskedjae Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Carrotplushie


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Carrotplushie/The Promised Neverland


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * The Promised Neverland

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

It's very readable and a notable improvement in flow. There is one issue with neutrality regarding "[t]he anime series has been considered one of the best of the 2010s". It's a subjective opinion from an unsourced group and is unnecessary. Also, "making it one of the best-selling manga series" should have a little more detail. Of all time or a given year? If there's going to be a section later about awards and such, having it in the lead might not be necessary.

I think there's a lot of run on sentences in the setting summary. Consider reading it out loud and separating into smaller paragraphs to improve readability. A lot of them are really long when they don't need to be.

There are some issues in the plot section too regarding the length of sentences. For "Life is as great as can be for the children at the Grace Field House Orphanage - they eat delicious food, have comfortable beds, they can play games to their hearts content, and, most important of all, get the nurturing love from their "Mother" Isabella", you could shorten the sentence by cutting some fluff out.

Same with "are tasked with completing different tests (which are actually used to gauge how "delicious" they are - since the smarter a human is, the better they taste to the demons who farm them)". I recommend taking the parts in parenthesis and moving it further down in the summary.

I think there are no spelling issues for the most part. The content does add a lot more to the page, though care should be taken to break sentences and paragraphs up to make it easier to read. Neutrality is only really an issue in the lead as the summaries do well as summaries.

Maskedjae (talk) 07:00, 4 March 2021 (UTC)