User:Carsonhernandez/Afro-Brazilian Music/Smlavering Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Carsonhernandez


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Carsonhernandez/Afro-Brazilian_Music?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Music of Brazil

Lead:
-The introductory sentence is clear and summarizes the topic well, however I would say "Afro-Brazilian music is created..." instead of "This type of music is created..."

-Content in lead is detailed and sets up topics to be talked about later in the article.

-Lead could include something specifically about musicians to set up this topic as it is discussed later.

-Could limit information to the most important items in their respective categories (perhaps list the 3 most important musical sub-genres, then set this up to be discussed later on).

Content:
-Could include a section about contemporary Afro-Brazilian artists

-Could elaborate on the phrase "gained their reputation" in the first section

Tone and Balance:
-Excellent job on keeping a neutral and objective tone, content is factual and highly informative, without presenting any ulterior motives or tones to persuade the readers to think a certain way.

-Could include a bit more info on specifics of where the influence came from. Were the influential instruments all from Africa or were some from Portugal?

Sources and References:
-An account is needed to access the article referenced, but further inspection shows that it is from a reliable, peer-reviewed journal.

-Links to other wikipedia articles work, and the link to the reference works (if you have an account).

-Thorough job on all the hyperlinked wikipedia articles that are included.

-Could include more sources, especially for the instruments section and the introductory paragraph.

Organization:
-Content is well written and most statements are concise. I do think the introductory paragraph is a little haphazardly ordered. The last part "creating a large variety of styles" does not match the structure set by the previous sentence. You could end the sentence after "Amerindian music" and write another sentence saying "All these ethnic impacts combine to create a large variety of styles".

-In the third paragraph should be "music...WAS initially neglected" instead of were. Also, you should specify who "they" are in that same sentence.

Overall Impressions:
-I believe the additions to the article are necessary and intriguing with the different instruments, cultural origins, and musicians that influenced the music style. The article referenced appears to have a great amount of detail, so it could be beneficial to decide what information is crucial and what can be left out. Reading through your additions felt like reading a Wikipedia article, so tone, organization, and content are on point.