User:Cat-N-Cactus/Evaluate an Article

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Peggy McIntosh

Evaluate the article
The lead section is generally well written. It provides a good, concise overview of the most important things to know about the article's subject. The introductory sentence thoroughly describes who Peggy McIntosh primarily is. However, one critique I would like to make about the lead is that there is a sentence that doesn't seem to maintain a neutral tone. The claim that her article on white privilege "pioneered putting the dimension of privilege into discussions of power, gender, race . . ." stands without a citation. "Pioneered" is a strong word and could come off as opinionated, so I would advise to use a different word or find a reliable source that supports the use of that word.

There are some other parts of the article that also look like they need a citation. In the first paragraph of "Education and teaching career," the sentence with the quoted "all-female curriculum" does not have a citation. Two more quotations without citations follow in the same paragraph: "radical teaching methods in English, American Studies, and Women's Studies" and "money and a room of one's own." Who is calling McIntosh's teaching methods radical? There needs to be a link to an outside source to show whose opinion this is, and there also needs to be citation links for the two other quotations to show where whose words they were.

There is another problem spot regarding neutral tone in the "Invisible knapsack" section. The paragraph that starts with "Many of these observations set in a different country could lead to a different conclusion" needs to be clear about whose ideas they are. Is this something Peggy McIntosh said in her paper? If so, the sentences need to be edited to clarify that so the author of this article doesn't seem to be sharing their own commentary.

The "SEED Project" section is also completely lacking in any citations. The source of this information about the SEED Project should be provided at the ends of sentences in this section. As of right now, the section feels untrustworthy because the author of the article has not included citations and it seems like the author of the article got the information all on their own.

Other than issues with sourcing information, I would like to comment on the good organization of this article. The sections are broken down into important parts of Peggy McIntosh's work and life which serve to communicate the main points of what readers would need to know about her. Cat-N-Cactus (talk) 03:41, 3 September 2021 (UTC)