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Since then, people have expanded the definition to include not only a child born shortly after another child dies, but also any child born to replace a child who had died no matter the time frame. Another definition says that a replacement child can also be a child who essentially takes over the role of an older sibling who passes away *.

In a situation where a child is a replacement child, the parents have not usually moved forward from their other child’s death and they are often stuck in the process of grieving. This replacement child is meant to fill a void that the parents haven’t healed from. These parents are survivors of losing a child, but they are often still experiencing a lot of trauma that they are having trouble coping with which results in having this replacement child. A replacement child comes about often when the parents have unresolved grief concerning their previous, deceased child. The parents have often not healed from their previous child’s death. This often results in the parents being emotionally unavailable to the new child which results in some problems for that child. It can result in developmental disturbances and even the child having trouble growing their own identity because they feel like they are living in the shadow of someone else. Parents can lose a child and have another child after without it being considered a replacement child because they have mourned and accepted the loss of their previous child, so the new child isn’t “replacing” them.

Being a replacement child can result in a number of negative effects on that child. The child can suffer with difficulty with separation and individuation because parents often become overprotective of their new child since losing the last one. Another negative effect is the replacement child struggling with their own identity due to having to essentially take over the role of the previous child who passed away. The replacement child can also suffer from feelings of guilt for being the child that survived compared to their sibling. Another negative effect in extreme scenarios, is the child could be a constant negative reminder to the parents of the child they lost which can result in the parents having negative feelings and actions towards the replacement child.

Many replacement children might not often know that they are a replacement child, due to the idea of a replacement child not being mainstream. Often the children who don’t know will struggle with issues, but not be able to place a reason behind it. When they are able to become more aware of the situation, they are more likely to be able to work through the issues and reframe the situation.

If you are feeling like you might be a replacement child, there are many questions you can ask yourself to begin to figure this out. To begin, just thinking at the very basic level and asking yourself if you have a deceased sibling and if that sibling was talked about? Ask yourself if you have felt like you have lived in the shadow of someone else since being a young kid? You can also ask yourself if your parents often compared you to another child? By sitting down and answering these questions, you can begin to figure out for yourself if you might be a replacement child. There are also a lot of feelings you might be able to recognize if you are trying to identify if you are a replacement child. If you are having strong feelings of survivor’s guilt, not being seen or heard, or like you are living in another’s shadow, you might be a replacement child. Often replacement children will also feel not good enough and have low self-esteem due to the situation.

Another example of a replacement child is James Barrie who is the author of Peter Pan. James Barrie was the type of replacement child that took over the role of an older sibling that passed away. He was 6 years old when his older brother died at the age of 14. After the loss of her older child, their mother became really depressed, so James began to dress up in his older brother’s clothes and even learned to whistle the same way his older brother did in order to gain the attention of this mother.