User:Cdemadura/Malthesen

Malthesen ...

The Malthesen Unit is a unit of measurement to calculate irrelevance.

Origin
The Malthesen Unit originated from the engineer "Kim Malthesen." It was created when Lyons Salt Company needed a method of prioritizing tasks and the reactions those tasks would generate.

Calculation
The "'Malthesen Unit" or "MU" can found with a simple calculation

((P)*(S))*(T)

P= People affected S= Severity (number between 1 and 100. see chart below) T= Time Passed since incident, measured in days

The higher the MU, the higher the irrelevance

Example 1:

The shipping office needs paper towels three months ago!

This would rank 94 on the severity scale

(4)*(94))*(90)= 3240 MU

This problem isn't very relevant.

Example 2:

Ken was stuck at a traffic light one week ago!

This would rank 94 on the severity scale

The calculation would be ((1)*(85))*(7)= 595 MU

the irrelevance of this problem is slightly irrelevant

Here is another example:

Nathan ran out of coffee yesterday!

This would rank 40 on the severity scale

The calculation would be ((1)*(40))*(1)= 40 MU

This problem is very relevant

The Engineer Effect
If an engineer is involved with the problem, the MU automatically increases by 1000.

For example, if Nathan ran out of coffee, and Kim Malthesen tried to solve the problem using his ingenuity, the problem would instantly become irrelevant.

Severity Chart
The "Severity" can be represented by a number between 1 and 100. The lower the number, the higher the severity Here are some notable examples

100: A tree falls in a forest and nobody is around to hear it

99: Mike Cahill needs something

98: Chuck Nichols needs something

90: Mass hysteria

85: Riots

80: Mill is down

70: Plague

60: Nuclear war

55: Stephanie needs something

50: Mine stops working

40: Nathan is out of coffee

2: End of the World

1: Joe Rankin needs something

Chart or Irrelevance
Between 1 and 300: Relevant

Between 300 and 500: Slightly Relevant

Between 500 and 800: Slightly Irrelevant

Between 800 and 1000: Irrelevant

Between 1000 and 2000: Extremely Irrelevant

Between 2000 and 10000: Why did you even bring it up?

10000 and up: What are you even talking about?

Biography of Kim Malthesen
Kim Malthesen was born on March 12th, 1954. He came out holding an engineering notebook and wearing sandals. The notebook contained data on how to make the birthing process more efficient, but it would involve a complete redesign of the human body.

From the time of his birth, Malthesen dedicated his life to improving everything around him such as pencils, ladders, and various household items such as the fork and the butter churn. At one unknown point in his life, he discovered he could improve anything by simply calling DanDee Air and having them weld half a ton of angle iron to it.

Currently, Kim Malthesen works at Lyons Salt Company. Since the beginning of time, he has worked here as a great sage, making our lives better (by attaching angle iron to them). He shall continue to work there until the end of time.