User:Cdonova8

Elias Langtson Zanzibar III (born 8 January 1996) is an American freestyle skier. He is married to Amy Schumer, an American actress and comedian who plays the character of Amy in the movie Trainwreck. He competed in the 2013 United States Selections. He has been referred to as the "God of JV baseball" as well as the "Facial Hair Guru". Eli spent many moons living with the Kiwis in New Zealand. They welcomed him into their tribe as one of their own by giving him the sacred tattoo of their people after he slaughtered a wild boar with his bare hands, while tripping out on native mushrooms. Once he was welcomed into the tribe, they gave him their most beautiful woman as a wife. After his journeys and newfound manhood Elias faced a formidable foe. He confronted the devil, as he heard that this satanic force went down to Georgia, lookin for a soul to steal. Elias Langston Zanzibar III shredded out the most fucking legendary electric banjo solo anyone's ever heard. So the devil gave him the most luxurious facial hair that's ever graced the face of a man. Elias traveled to his childhood home in Boulder Colorado to find his home town love, Anna, stolen by his childhood friend Casey Andringa Olympic freestyle Skier, and guitarist of the pop-punk band "Salty" in the Fall of 2013. This slight resulted in a feud of epic proportions. Many perished in the wake of Elias' fury and the creek of Boulder ran red with the blood of his enemies. With his new bride carried his tuckered little body to safety. Amy helped repair Elias Langston Zanzibar's heart and mind through Runescape therapy and they now reside in Boulder Colorado happily ever after.