User:Cepropst/Vocal jazz/Ksuong2001 Peer Review

General info
User:Cepropst
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Cepropst/Vocal jazz
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Vocal jazz

Evaluate the drafted changes
Hello! Here is my peer review,

Lead
Great progress on your article! I can see that you have made some significant changes to the lead in comparison to the current version. The introductory sentence could be more enticing, I would suggest saying something along the lines of "Vocal jazz, also known as jazz singing is a dynamic genre within the realm of jazz music, where the voice is used as an instrument". But I think what you have down is already well enough.

Content
I see that you have added more content to the history and created a section for "Notable Vocalists" and focus on "Vocal Technique". I think these are great sub-topics to start off with. You also did a good job with linking the lead with the rest of the content. The content is seemingly up-to-date with sources that are from 1997-2024. The content appears to be relevant and belong in the right places. You could definitely integrate more sources by expanding the history and tie it to the culture of jazz throughout the years. So far, the article does fulfill Wikipedia's equity gaps with mention of diverse and marginalized artists and groups. To make it better, I would suggest talking about the top notable vocalists and go into depth on their role and influence. I would also talk about the impact of vocal jazz on diverse communities which could really provide representation in article.

Tone and Balance
The article's content takes a neutral stance and does not appear heavily biased. As I suggested before, adding more viewpoints from artists of color could really better represent your topic. I see that you mention the perspectives of "African-American enslaved people" and notable artists such as "Louis Armstrong" which provides great representation. I suggest that you dig a little deeper on this and talk about "why Jazz originated" and maybe how Louis Armstrong and other artists came about. Try to avoid casual language such as "usually use more" or like "you will hear less" - this is super minor but be aware of sounding too laid-back. I would also try to talk about artists who are women (or other) to maintain a balance of diverse artists.

Sources and References
All the content is backed up with a reliable source and the content reflects that. Here are some sources I would add:


 * Vocal Jazz is characterized by vocal techniques such as pitch bending, inflections, consonant execution, and soft releases of vowels. In vocal jazz, compared to classical choral pedagogy, you will hear less legato and ornamental use of vibrato. Jazz vocalists usually use more conversational pronunciation of words and use shorter musical phrasing than in choral singing.
 * Jazz music is characterized by syncopated rhythms, improvisation, and unique tonality and pitch deviation.

I would also add some sources from research journals. You could look on UW Library, JSTOR, Google Scholar, for some journals that talk more about its historical contexts or maybe research that has been done. I think you could find some older sources since all of your sources are relevant to the 2000s. By doing this, you can gain diverse perspectives with the range of times. All of your sources focus on the topic and none seem to be random.

Organization
The article is easy to read however, the sentence structures seem short which obstructs the flow. For example:


 * "Jazz singing originates from African-American enslaved people who sang field hollers, work songs, as well as spirituals in churches, minstrels, and vaudeville. Jazz grew into popularity in the early twentieth century, with its roots in blues."This section should provide more content as the transitions seem choppy due to lack of information. I would expand on this which I mention earlier.

There is a minor grammatical error (although I am not sure) when you say:

You did a good job of being clear with your sections which helped with the organization. Nothing seemed out of place so keep it up!
 * "Alongside the rise of cool jazz in the 1950’s singers followed the same laid-back approach of laid-back."
 * I would just go back and read your writing out loud to make sure your thoughts are well-organized.
 * "Vocal Technique"
 * Should not be capitalized
 * "You will hear less"
 * I would suggest saying "where less legato and..."
 * "Most jazz singers will use a rhythm section (piano, bass, drums, and guitar) and sometimes vocal percussion."
 * The word "will" implies a future action.

Overall impressions
Overall, I think you are off to a great start and have a lot of information down. It is a little hard to make suggestions but I think you know what you're doing. I would just add some more context to your sections, expanding on specific people like Louis Armstrong or talking about the most popular songs or even the production style of this music. I would like to see a section where it talks about the current styles of vocal jazz and its relevancy. Also making sure you target the Wikipedia's equity gaps for your article to be more representative.

-Kayla