User:Cfellowss/Deaths of Dhal Pothwi Apet, 17, and Lueth Mo, 15/Ddpit22 Peer Review

General info
Anais Mejia and Cfellowss
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing:User:Cfellowss/Deaths of Dhal Pothwi Apet, 17, and Lueth Mo, 15
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists):Does not exist

Evaluate the drafted changes
The lead was filled with a lot of good information, but I think you probably could've leaved out some of the really specific details and just gave more of an overview of what happened. The lead sentence was also very long and complex, so maybe make it a little easier to understand as the opening to the article.

All of the content was really good. You got all of the information in that you needed to, and I feel like any questions I had were answered in the writing.

Everything seemed unbiased with a good tone, so the balance was there.

All the information that needed sourcing got it. Again, in the lead paragraph there was so much information that maybe some of it needed sourcing, but since you source later in the article the same information, maybe you don't.

The one thing was I thought the organization was a little weird. You went from lead paragraph to people involved to murder to aftermath, which is fine but it probably could've been even more chronologically organized like "background, event, aftermath" or something like that. And maybe a little more information in the aftermath would be nice like what all came from the shooting.

Overall, I thought the article was really good. All the content was great, and I really enjoyed it!