User:Chacha2019/Female education in STEM/Pennyseilyon Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Chacha2019


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Chacha2019/Female education in STEM


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Female education in STEM

Evaluate the drafted changes
Hi Chacha2019! Here is my peer review for your addition to female education in STEM.

Lead


 * There were no changes to the lead.

Content


 * You have developed the 'Factors influencing girls' and women's participation and achievement in STEM education' section of the article which I think is a great addition. I think the changes you made to the existing 'societal' section helped with readability and that your additions were valuable to the topic.
 * You added this: "Additionally, in some countries there were more women receiving computer science degrees than men . That was primarily because a computer science degree was seen as indoor work. When the job title was adjusted to sound less masculine and more geared towards relationship building, females appeared to be more likely to enter the STEM field" to the lead for this section before this sentence from the existing article: "Gender stereotypes portrayed in the media are internalized by children and adults and affect the way they view themselves and other. Media can perpetuate or challenge gender stereotypes about STEM abilities and careers. " However, I think that your addition may be better placed at the end of the lead, or perhaps in a different subsection altogether. I think the information is perhaps too specific and the transition feels a little bit unnatural because the rest of the information is more general.
 * There were no changes made to the subsection 'Effects of gender disparities.' I think that there could be significant improvements to this section from the current version of the article. There are some problematic elements in regard to readability/bias. For instance: "Stepping into a workplace where men outnumber women knowing that male co-workers expect lower capabilities from a woman working significantly causes women to undermine their skills and performance in their job.  This in part is due to the representativeness heuristic- when people do not look the part, others are more critical of them." I think there are instances of unnecessary jargon that is not explained or linked, like "fixed mindset" and "representativeness heuristic" and it feels like it is written from a female point of view (e.g. "stepping into a workplace...").
 * Basically, I think that a total overhaul of this section would be a great contribution, but I'm not sure if you were planning on editing this section.
 * In your added section "possible solutions to reduce gender gap," you created a bullet point list with 3 items. I'm not sure, but I think there would be better readability if this was written in paragraph form with a bit more information added for each point.
 * I think it would be good to link "Problem-Based Learning (PBL)" to the wiki.

Tone and Balance


 * The content you added is neutral. The entire article is on an under-represented group.

Sources and References


 * This section "effects of gender disparities" lacks citations. There is only one citation at the end of the section which is for "The Effects of Construal Level on Heuristic Reasoning: The Case of Representativeness and Availability" by João N. Braga, Mário B. Ferreira, and Steven J. Sherman. I feel as if this section is entirely based on this one source. I'm not sure if you were planning on working on this part from the current version of the article, but I think it would be a helpful fix. :-)
 * You added a subsection called "possible solutions to reduce gender gap" - I don't think it is necessary to add the "(based on several research studies that have been conducted in the past decade)" because there are citations to prove this.


 * Your sources are up to date.

Organization


 * Your content is well written and clear.
 * I think that the subsection you added on possible solutions is in a good location. Like I noted above, I think this section would feel better/more organized if it was in paragraph form instead of bullet point.

Overall impressions


 * Overall, I think this is a good start. I think there is some work to be done in improving the current article in the section that you chose and also adding some information/reshuffling, but your citations look good and I think your additions are helpful.

- Penny