User:Chairomai/Autoimmune skin diseases in dogs/Reirei1216 Peer Review

General info
chairomai
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing:https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Chairomai/Autoimmune_skin_diseases_in_dogs?veaction=edit&preload=Template:Dashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists):

Evaluate the drafted changes
This article focuses on the different types of autoimmune diseases that can affect a dog's skin, especially when it comes to Systemic Lupis as a result of Discoid lupus erythematosus and Pemphigus, as well as vitiligo. The article also goes into detail regarding the functions of the immune system to not only identify foreign bodies, but also eliminate them in the process.

-Kcammon- went into detail about the different types of autoimmune diseases and the impact they have on dogs, such as what they can lead to

-Nicnikk-discussed aspects of autoimmune diseases that can affect dogs and how the body responds to them

Chairomai- added additional information about vitiligo to the article

Overall, I felt the article was missing a strong lead, as it was lacking a strong introductory sentence, as well as did not discuss a brief synopsis of what the reader should expect in the article. In terms of the content, I felt that the article body lacked a clear transition from discussing autoimmune diseases to the functions of the immune system. I feel that this could improve by discussing the way the body functions in terms of the immune system prior to going into how this is shown in dogs and the associated disorders. In terms of the tone and balance, I feel like the content overall was pretty neutral, however, it could afford to have more information in regards to vitiligo and lupus, rather than simply bringing it up at the end of the first paragraph. By providing more details about both of these conditions, it will be easier to go into detail about the specific aspects of the immune system and which portions are affected by these diseases. This will not only allow you to create a better lead and content, but to also add to the reference list as well to improve the article's reliability. I also think it would be beneficial to include other animals since the article doesn't explicitly state that it is only in dogs. However, if this is the case, it would be beneficial to change the title or at least specify that you are restricting these conditions to only how it affects dogs.