User:Chalynfaye/Sins Invalid/Daisyfriedman8 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

(provide username)


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)

Evaluate the drafted changes
From Daisy: I would love to see you elaborate on the creation of the name for Sins Invalid. Maybe even find a source that delves deeper into the "the sins of the father being cast upon the son" concept. Also, maybe put the section about word play right after that sentence to better link it to the subject of the troupe's name. It also may be cool for you to do a brief summary of who Moore and Berne are. i don't know if that's already done in the lead. I would also maybe set it up as a performance collective right off the bat, so people know what they are reading about. I really like your 'Vision' section, but I would suggest fore fronting the fact that the performances are based around sexuality. That is truly what makes Sins so revolutionary. Maybe even start with the definition of erotic cause that's interesting! Great work, Chayln!