User:Chanda10/Trauma and first responders/Csanherz Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Chanda10


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Chanda10/Trauma and first responders


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Trauma and first responders

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

Good additions overall. I would suggest moving " Psychological trauma is a person’s physical and psychological response to experiencing, witnessing, or being confronted with events(s) that involve actual or threatened death, serious injury, or threats to the physical integrity of the self or others that result in intense fear of helplessness."[2]  to the section of "Types of trauma" after this sentence: "Because of this, first responders endure field specific trauma. Around 5.9-22% of first responders end up being diagnosed with Psychological trauma. Side effects and impacts from this can be physical, mental, or behavioral. This job field is high risk, with the daily exposure of severe incidents.[2] " because that is were we first see the term "psychological trauma". it would be good to define the term closer to where it first appears.

Like so:

"Types of trauma
In their line of work, first responders are exposed to a variety of graphic and grim circumstances and events, some directed at them and some directed at others. Examples of personal attacks may include being shot at, assaulted, or threatened. Examples of circumstances involving others include exposure to sexually assaulted children, domestic violence, watching someone die, or seeing mutilated remains. Because of this, first responders endure field specific trauma. '''Around 5.9-22% of first responders end up being diagnosed with Psychological trauma. Side effects and impacts from this can be physical, mental, or behavioral. This job field is high risk, with the daily exposure of severe incidents.  Psychological trauma is a person’s physical and psychological response to experiencing, witnessing, or being confronted with events(s) that involve actual or threatened death, serious injury, or threats to the physical integrity of the self or others that result in intense fear of helplessness."[2] "'''

I also liked your rock metaphor, but I would suggest wording that section a little differently, a little less emotional and biased by taking out words like "incredibly heavy", "weight of the world", "collapse" unless they are specifically mentioned in other sources because it reads like you are emotionally invested in this (which I know you are, because you work in this field) and while that can be good, it is not always appropriate for a wikipedia article because they are supposed to be neutral. I would edit the section a bit like so:

"As Emergency Repsonders progress through their careers, each incident, each experience goes into their backpacks as a rock." A good example is that if a first responder is wearing a backpack, After each traumatic experience they add a rock. Eventually, the back pack will start to get incredibly heavy sooner rather than later. The idea of this is how much can someone carry, is the load heavy or light? Most first responders carry what some would call the "Weight of the World". First responders tend to not seek help, They carry and carry until they collapse usually [can no longer carry the weight/stress]. Some first responders suffer from severe-critical incident stress. The rock metaphor i s spot on to (describes) the weight and load each first responder carries through the length of their careers. Some loads are heavier than others but none the less they all eventually maintain a decent amount of (carry) weight. [1]'

I underlined some suggested additions/edits.

If you wanted to add more information, you could add information about the depression, panic disorders, or generalized anxiety disorders that were mentioned because this article focuses only on ptsd even though in the first paragraph it was mentioned that people in this jobs can develop any of these disorders, not just ptsd.

Overall, I liked your additions, but I would make sure to keep a neutral tone and make sure the information added goes into the correct section. ''Claudia, I love those suggestions and I Defintely think those would be good edits. I tend to forget not to come off to emotionally invested sometimes. I also think adding the information to add about depression, panic disorders, and anxiety will be very beneficial to the article. Thanks so much for the constructive criticism, I can completley appreciate it. I also plan to use your suggestions in my edit later tonight! Thank you! Chanda''