User:Charlottereid1/Native American Outing System/Jaidajeter Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

@Charlottereid1 - Charlotte


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Charlottereid1/American Indian outing programs


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * N/A (creating new article)

Evaluate the drafted changes
'''Hi Charlotte, this is Jaida your peer reviewer. I have read your Native American Outing System article page draft, and so far it's looking really good!'''

Note: I used "[]" to shown my editing suggestions,

Lead


 * Still working on lead as of 2/19

Content


 * Content is all relevant and up to date; I think this subject is great because to gives representation to individuals who have been seen historically marginalized.
 * I don't see any context gaps as I see you are still working on sections and adding to them along the way -- also the way your organizing your information into different subsections helps to minimize and context gaps as your information is well rounded.

Tone and Balance


 * Tone seems to be balanced, each of your sections have a balanced amount of information as well, adding to your neutral content, your article is unbiased and not skewed one way or the other (it does seem to be argumentative at all, your writing style is following the other all essence of Wikipedia's encyclopedic style and tone which is a good sign as well)

Sources and References


 * Is all new content backed up by a reliable secondary source of information? References are looking correctly cited/most context is backed up by a reliable secondary source as needed.
 * (*additional question from canvas*): From your bibliography I see 5/6 good scholarly secondary sources (links are working in the reference section of your article page)
 * Are the sources thorough - i.e. Do they reflect the available literature on the topic?: Yes they do considering your topic is very specific.
 * Sources are current : Yes most are from 2000's earliest being 2019 and some from the 1980's and 90s

Organization


 * Overall the page connects with the course topic/theme; you've added historical context from your sources; it's really organized and grouped together nicely especially with your use of headings and subheadings which seems to be correctly formatted  for Wikipedia.
 * You're article is written in a neutral tone which is great, and I can tell that the sources you have been using are from scholarly journals/books and authors from class material.
 * Also your references made me realize I need to include page numbers so thank you!

Images and Media


 * Does not have images or media but maybe adding images of the American Indian schools you're talking about in specific would help add to the over completeness of your article?

For New Articles Only


 * Your article does meet the Wikipedia requirements by using more than 2-3 secondary sources
 * I think it accurately expresses the information/available sources on the subject - many are    history situated/oriented which seems to be the theme you are going     for/also your "see also" and "American Indian ousting programs" and "further reading" sub-sections help to     strengthen this area
 * I can tell that you did some research into how to set up a Wikipedia page because of its structure by including    the "see also" "external sites" and "further     reading" links and pages
 * lastly you do have external link connected to certain keywords like significant figures and important    schools connected to your subject which is very help for the reader to     research more/find additional web pages connected to these ousting     programs - I have checked them and they all work/are accessible.
 * I've checked your links and they all work.

Overall impressions


 * Has the content added improved the overall quality of the article - i.e. Is the    article more complete? : Yes you've added a lot so far especially considering this is a new article page you are making, it seems to fit     well with how other Wikipedia articles are organized and formatted.
 * What are the strengths of the content added? : The way you have organized     information according to sub topics makes information easy to read, straight forward and very accessible!
 * How can the content added be improved?:

Since this is our first draft, I'm sure you already know but I'd suggest going back and re-reading the info to double check or typos or confusing sentence structures.

1. For example it might flow better if you were to say " Native American outing programs operated by sending Native American children from American Indian boarding schools to live and work with white families from the late 19th century (maybe put until(?))to World War II." instead of "Native American outing programs sent Native American children at American Indian boarding schools to live and work with white families from the late 19th century to World War II."

-"Typically, boys were assigned to do farm work. Girls were typically assigned to work in domestic service.[2]" : maybe you could turn this into 1 sentence.

2. You might want to add more citations to indicate where you found specific data/facts and or quotes. For example: putting citations at the end of these sentences might be helpful --> "The first formal outing program in the United States was established by Richard Henry Pratt at the Carlisle Indian Industrial School in 1878.[citation here]"

-"By 1900, outing programs modeled after Carlisle's had begun in several other American Indian boarding schools, including Haskell Institute (Haskell Indian Nations University) in Lawrence, Kansas, Perris School (Sherman Indian High School) in Riverside, California, Carson School (Stewart Indian School) in Carson City, Nevada, and Fiske Institute in Albuquerque, New Mexico.[citation here]"

3. in your "history of outing programs" : maybe change "have been" to "had been" to better reflect past tense or in the second sentence you could use "were". For example in these two sentences: "Native Americans have [had been long used] long been used as domestic servants and slaves in white households.[6] Native American children have been [were] sent to white households for educational purposes since the colonial era."

4. In the section titled "Carlisle Indian Industrial School outing program," are you planning on keeping the info in "" or are you going to integrate them into the text; for example "the Indian Office [or] Bureau of Indian Affairs" in the place of the Indian Office (Bureau of Indian Affairs) ?

-maybe instead of starting this sentence " 109 children participated in Carlisle's..." this a number you could say "[About/Around/Close to] 109 children participated in Carlisle's..."

5. In "Outing matrons;" I like how you incorporate links throughout your page regarding different terms (like how you did for "Phoenix Indian School"); maybe you could incorporate one for "matrons" (if there's a wikipedia page for it).

6. Under "Support for outing programs" here's a few wording and citation suggestions:

Supporters of outing programs hoped that the Native American children involved would be [become instead of "would be"] "civilized" and "uplifted" by immersion in white households.[include citation here b/c you're using a quote

Additional Questions (from canvas)


 * Does your peer have 5-7 reliable sources? (see sources and references)
 * Is at least one of them a source from class reading or the "suggested sources" list? If not, can you think of anything we've read that might be useful for them?: Yes, I see that you have included the Haskins and Jacobs reading from class material.
 * Does the topic link in some way to our course material? Yes it does, especially to week 3's theme "Home, Race and Power in the West in the Early 20th century" and has used reading from week 3 incorporated into this article
 * Does your peer add historical context to their article? Yes: you specifically have a section titled "History of outings" which is great!
 * Based on what you know from course content, what do you think Wikipedia users should know about this topic? In other words, what would you recommend adding and/or considering further: maybe just expanding on some your subtopics would be helpful; for example I would personally like to know more about the "outing matrons" or you could even link some key words in relation to your subject so readers can explore more ( linking matrons maybe?)/ Also would like to know more about the results of these programs also when did they close or end?

That's all!