User:ChemEnjoyer/Lithium nickel manganese cobalt oxides/Doodlepuppy123 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

User:ChemEnjoyer


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=User:ChemEnjoyer/Lithium_nickel_manganese_cobalt_oxides&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template&veaction=edit&redirect=no


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Lithium nickel manganese cobalt oxides

Evaluate the drafted changes
Lead

The lead is brief and concise, unlike how it was in the original article. The lead introduces the topics that the rest of the article expands upon. There is no information in the lead that is not talked about in other parts of the article. I like how you have removed the x+y+z formula sentence and just changed the chemical formula to include that information.

Content

The content is relevant and up to date.

I like how you talked about what the significance is of increasing the nickel content, but what about the other elements? When the content of cobalt is decreased from 0.33 mol to 0.2 mol, what is the effect? It would be beneficial to the reader if you explain what happens if each of these NMC elements change in their molar equivalents.

///Reply

I have added a clarifying statement on the effect of changing the cobalt concentration. For the sake of brevity, I did not add anything about changing manganese concentration because I will assume the reader can infer it from the other information given (i.e. the material becomes more stable and loses some capacity).

Tone and Balance

The content is neutral and not biased.

Sources and References

The edited article has 24 sources, while the original had 25 sources. The sources are all current. The links work. Claims are backed up with reliable sources. Some of the references are showing some red writing that is asking to check the dates. Check the dates and rewrite the date in the correct format.

///Reply

All problems with references have been fixed!

Organization

There are no spelling mistakes and it is mostly clear for the reader. I like how you have reordered the sections of information so that the history section is not first anymore (now it starts with structure, then synthesis, then history, etc.). You have organized it such that the most important information comes up first.

I think that many sentences could be improved by removing unnecessary use of passive voice. For examaple, you can get rid of "be used" and other cases of passive voice. I think many sentences could also be improved by being more concise and less wordy. Try to remove any unnecesary words in sentences. For example, for the sentence with "Doing hydrothermal treatments before calcination...", you can remove "doing". Working on removing passive voice and unnecessarily wordy sentences would improve clarity.

///Reply

I have made the suggested edits to sentences, among a few others.

Images and Media

The edited article in the sandox does not contain any images, but the original article contains 2 images of cars. I wonder if you could add a labelled image/diagram of the structure of lithium nickel manganese cobalt oxides.

///Reply

I have added a diagram of a general Li-ion battery, and a picture of a layered structure.

Overall Impressions

This article has a lot of information, so it would be helpful to condense information and remove unnecessary wording.

I like the synthesis section that has been added. I think you could add more hyperlinks to wikipedia articles. For example, sol-gel methods could be hyperlinked to wikipedia page on "sol-gel process".

Good job at making non-trivial improvements (adding lots of information related to the topic).

///Reply

I have combined parts of the history and properties sections to condense them. I believe the information in the rest of the article is as close to fully condensed as possible, so further efforts to condense those parts would essentially be removing content. I have done minor wording edits on those parts.

I have also added significantly more wikipedia article links.