User:Cherriesandashes/Relational Aspects Between North and South Africa/Rjbee21 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

CherriesandAshes


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Cherriesandashes/Relational_Aspects_Between_North_and_South_Africa?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)

Evaluate the drafted changes
The background of this section is great and it gives me an idea about how you are going about writing the article. The first sentence in the paragraph is great and I understand exactly what I will be reading throughout the remainder of the article. However, I think that the second sentence sounds a little bit argumentative with the phrase 'it is imperative' you could say, 'for the purpose of this article these are the following cases that will be used'. Other than that I think that the lead is great and does not need more to be added to it since you mentioned both the aspects of the relationship and the countries you have chosen as case studies.

I think that the information that you have so far is well written and I think that the first part of it is written in a neutral tone which is great. I noticed that the paragraphs written were not under any particular heading, I am wondering if the case study of Egypt will be under its own heading and each country will have a heading or if it is meant to be organized another way. I saw the rest of the headings under what was already drafted and think that it makes sense to organize the article by each aspect but what is written for Egypt is both political and also cultural/social. I think that the information there is great and would go well under the political heading. I think that the second paragraph that is written has a bit of bias in it. I think that it strays a bit from presenting the divide between Egypt and sub-Saharan Africa which I think you are trying to portray. It seems as though you are presenting the argument that it is caused by everything that you mentioned, and although that might be true, I am not sure if it is neutral enough. I think that maybe revising the portions 'lack of Pan-African unity' and 'current relations are not reflective of the importance of sub-Saharan Africa to Egypt' to something a little bit more suggestive (if that makes sense). It might be more helpful to present the information first thinking about the subsections of your article. For example, presenting the information about Egypt and its political relationship with sub-Saharan Africa and letting the information speak for itself about the importance of the relationship between the two. Moving forward, I think that the information that you have is a great start but I think that the presentation of the information needs a little more work to be neutral.

The references are good, there is a good amount of variation between all of them. I think that if you continue to find sources like those then you will be in good shape for the rest of the article. I think that a good source for you may be the UN library online which has a lot of sources about diplomacy and economy which may be helpful. I also think that NGO websites might also be helpful when writing about migration and culture.

Overall, this is a great start to the article and I am sure that your article will be great once it is finished. Good luck with the rest of your writing! If you have any questions about anything that I said you can let me know and I would be happy to elaborate about anything.