User:Chiefryan

Ryan Downing, also known as, according to my wikipedia name, Chief Ryan. This page contains variegated information about I, the illustrious author of nothing now or ever.

Mini Bio
I can't remember much, nor do I care to remember a whole lot, of my childhood. Because of my apparently gross memory loss, perhaps it might be a symptom of repression, my bio will be brief but not pointed. I'll probably skip anything and everything relevant, instead opting to focus on the details no one could ever bother caring about, even if they were they paid an immense sum of money to give a shit; because giving a shit is an art that can't simply be paid for to happen. I was born by a mother and father, allegedly, one female and a male, through which a bumbling sperm traversed and landed squarely on an orb that it initially thought was the moon. It was wrong, and it only discovered its error to late into its excavation. The great round thing absorbed the eager little fish with its mysterious power, and trapped it inside as any sinister incubator would, much like a Venus Flytrap. The organism born of this unholy union was given the appellation "Ryan", and it grew into a most beautiful baby worthy of praise, and given its due praise, by friends, relatives, and associates of the concupiscent parents. Thus the baby was made happy, until... It was taken to Oregon during its fifth year of life, and submitting to a whole sea of cruelties ranging from the presence of stinking cattle, mentally deficient chickens, and a father too absorbed by farm life to supply amply for his family all the necessities of life. I watched PBS for pleasure. Blablabla, fast forward, now he's 23 and full of anger. He doesn't know the 10 languages he planned to know by now, nor has he lived in various exotic locations, nor has he solved the great mystery of the universe, garnering for himself a shiny nobel for it. Nope, he's just a college student who reads probably a bit more than his peers, and writes only when exhorted to by sorta demanding professors at a subpar college. Ryan is adorable, and he tries very hard to be adorable, and it shows. He devotes love poems to himself frequently, whenever boredom strikes, and during the strenuous hours of composition a grand mirror gilded with golden arabesques stands rigidly in front of him, reflecting an image of such magniloquence that even god is thrown into fits of uncontrollable lust.