User:Chimericmacandcheese/I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream/WillKBeatty Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Chimericmacandcheese


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Chimericmacandcheese/sandbox
 * User:Chimericmacandcheese/I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream

Evaluate the drafted changes
I find your work on the lead to be helpful, but the sentence ' The story is one of Ellison's more shocking works, with themes concerning technological advancements gone wrong and Hell on Earth. feels opinionated, and doesn't seem to fit unless you can find a source which backs up that claim.

Your editions to the Background section are great, and you've also properly formatted the link which is very important.

The statement you make within Plot of ' It finally refers to itself as purely "AM," referring to the phrase "I think, therefore I am."' is interesting information which is not found elsewhere in the article, which points to good research. The final sentence you've added of "...It wants nothing more than to exact revenge on humanity by torturing the last remnants of the species that created it, being Ted and the others." leaves something to be wanting. The current description of plot ends succinctly on "I have no mouth. And I must scream." which is a good way to end the summary, which leaves the sentence you've added feeling disjointed and unnecessary from this section. I would recommend maybe re-writing it so it ends on a more definitive note, or scrapping it instead.

Your edition of an entire new section, being Influences/Themes is incredibly useful and is a huge edition to the article. The biggest issue you may run into with this section though is sourcing and opinion. Wikipedia has a rule about No Original Research, so everything you say MUST be coming from some other person. You've done a good job of citation so far, I would just make sure that every claim you make is backed up with research you've found.

Besides what I've written above, my only advice would be for you to move this out of your User:Chimericmacandcheese/sandbox and instead to the specific drafting sandbox relevant to your article. Your personal sandbox is intended more for your own experimentation, such as how to code, personal thoughts, etc. User:Chimericmacandcheese/I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream is where you should ideally have all of this drafting work, as it is what WikiEdu links to, and is also much easier to format/export once you want to go live with your article.

Thanks, WillKBeatty (talk) 20:22, 17 April 2021 (UTC)