User:Chiveneko

 TAONA D. CHIVENEKO 

 1. BACKGROUND SUMMARY 

Taona Dumisani Chiveneko is the author of “The Hangman’s Replacement” series: a story based in his native Zimbabwe. Mr. Chiveneko was born either between the Zambezi and the Limpopo rivers, or along the road which runs from Mutare to Hwange National Park. Mr. Chiveneko has refused to confirm which option is true. He is also equally circumspect about his age, which he has pegged at: “More than ten, but less than a hundred-years-old.”

 2. ANTI-SOCIAL RECLUSE 

Mr. Chiveneko is widely regarded as the most anti-social African author. Predictably, he is rumoured to have based the Luxon Hurudza character on himself. Even as a child, Mr. Chiveneko was not personable. The boy ignored anyone who tried to start a conversation with him. This behaviour won him the nickname, “Hombarume”, the Shona word for “hunter”. According to the village elder who gave him the nickname, the young Taona was destined to spend his entire life hunting for a sense of social etiquette. The elder’s prediction turned out to be wrong. Mr. Chiveneko never bothered to embark on the quest at all. As a recluse, he spent his life hunting for something else: solitude.

Mr. Chiveneko is rumoured to live in a remote location with a hypertensive pangolin, three shrews, and a termite colony (enclosed in a large glass tank). He is also the half-proud owner of two cats. Apparently, he only loves one of them, but is compelled to keep them both. The creatures are inseparable companions.

 3. A SOFT  SPOT  FOR  ANIMALS 

In fact, when Mr. Chiveneko sold the cat he did not like, the remaining one went on a three day hunger strike. Eventually, Mr. Chiveneko was forced to buy back the tubby feline for thrice the price he had sold it. As a miser, this incident was highly traumatic for Mr. Chiveneko. This unusual sacrifice on behalf of another living creature reflects a tender side of this enigmatic writer. Nevertheless, that part of the man is very small indeed.

 4. THE FRUSTRATED  DREAM  THAT  LED  HIM  TO  BECOME  A  NOVELIST 

During one of only three interviews he has granted, Mr. Chiveneko confessed that his childhood dream was to become a taxidermist. However, this ambition was shattered when he realized that taxidermy had nothing to do with replacing the bodywork of taxis. In grief, he bought a diary and vented his sorrow on its pages with a feather quill. The experience was refreshing. Through tragedy, he found his calling. The rest is history. To this day, he still writes using feather quills that he picks along a popular flight path of migrating geese.

 5. IMAGES OF MR. CHIVENEKO 

There are only two pictures of Mr. Chiveneko in existence. Neither image portrays his features clearly. In the first, Mr. Chiveneko wears a thick scarf to hide a recurring case of mumps. He Iis also wearing one of his ill-fitting hats that he bought at a second-hand store thirty years ago. This image is not in public circulation.

The second image is a drawing of the author’s alter-ego. The picture depicts the mournful face of an unnamed man with thick dreadlocks. When asked whether this face was a self-portrait, Mr. Chiveneko said it was not. The face came to him during a dream in his youth. For reasons he cannot explain, he felt a strong and instinctive bond with it. “I felt like it was an alternative expression of who I was.”

 6. THE AUTHOR'S  MYSTERIOUSLY  DETTACHED  RELATIONSHIP  WITH  HIS  LAWYER 

Mr. Chiveneko communicates with the wider world through his long suffering lawyer. The lawyer has never met his client in person. Mr. Chiveneko hired him through a secretive head hunting firm that recruits candidates for delicate and discreet assignments. The author leaves manuscripts in progress as well as other legal documents in public places where his lawyer can picks them up.

According to Mr. Chiveneko’s lawyer: “I only speak to my client over the phone. When it is necessary to deliver documents, he must go to a pickup location that he designates. I have collected assignments in airports, shopping malls, restaurants, land-fills, abandoned mines, and other places I cannot bring myself to mention. Though I never saw Mr. Chiveneko on any of these occasions, I knew he was there, watching me from somewhere …”

Given that Mr. Chiveneko is a misanthrope, any courtesy expressed in his novels, (including the acknowledgements), are the work of his tireless legal representative. A reliable informant has reported that the author's lawyer has convinced him to build a website. However, he will have nothing to do with it. Any questions about the author, his novels, and the upcoming sequels should be sent directly to: author@chiveneko.com, though Mr. Chiveneko’s lawyer and staff (at Chiveneko Publishing Inc.) respond to all communications on his behalf. The source also stated that hate mail is discouraged as it will only embolden the author. However, words of consolation and support for his poor lawyer are welcome.

--Chiveneko (talk) 07:05, 2 December 2012 (UTC) Chiveneko Publishing Inc. Legal Counsel