User:Chrispedia315/Data Care/Grilledtandoorismoke Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Chrispedia315


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Chrispedia315/Data Care


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)

Evaluate the drafted changes
Lead


 * In need of a lead section. Your lead should be a brief summation of what’s covered in your article. A very brief definition of data care and otherwise reusing concepts from the Defining Data Care section would fit well.

Defining data care


 * “Treating people and their private information fairly and with dignity in terms of their data.”
 * Starting off your section with a proposition/note may not be the best for a Wikipedia article. You could repurpose this by mentioning that this is what data care is along with the following sentence.


 * “Data care aims to allow data navigation while countering data power,, and encourages "slow computing," all of which will help in reducing datafication, and making it more difficult for people's data to become traceable."
 * You’ve got two commas here.
 * How does slow computing function? How does it reduce datafication/make it more difficult to trace people’s data?
 * Since you mention slow computing later in your article you could write: [“slow computing” (see below)]


 * “Also encouraging open source alternatives for data that is not trackable.”
 * Sentence fragment.
 * As a whole, you may want to think about giving concrete examples of how data care will help overall. How will it place pressure on companies? How will it help achieve data justice and lead to data sovereignty?
 * You may also want to rethink sentence structure in this section.
 * You may want to add in additional citations for the first few phrases. Where did you get this information from?

Ethics of Care


 * “There is a priority in proper care of people's data, considering the right morals and ethical choices to protect people's privacy.”
 * This reads rather awkwardly. May want to consider rewording this. Where is there priority?
 * "The idea of data care involves protecting people's data in medical practices, law, politics, the organization of society, war, and international relations.”
 * "The idea of” is rather passive. Would recommend simply starting this phrase as “Data care involves…”

Understanding Data


 * “The global rise in digital data, due to billions of consumers worldwide, leads to corporations using all this data to influence people and make a profit from them.”
 * Not a very neutral statement. May want to consider rewording.
 * “Digital data is also being used to track and monitor people, with the rise of smart cities, the increase in digital and biometric registration are becoming the norm around the world.”
 * Sentence structure here is awkward. You could separate this into two separate sentences. “Digital data is also being used to track and monitor people. With the rise of smart cities…”
 * “Methods that can be used to enhance data care is to utilize tools such as ad blockers, cookie blockers, proper malware detection and interception, site blocking, encryption tools, and services to opt out of databases controlled by data brokers”
 * Methods is plural, which means you should readjust to “Methods that can be used to enhance data care are”

Slow Computing


 * “Data care calls for "slow computing," which is an ethical way to morally utilize people's data that seeks to protect their privacy in regards to data-driven systems.”
 * Not clear on what your subject to this verb is. Is it the singular ethical way? Or is it the plural data? In which case, you would need to reword to “data that seek”
 * “Along with having political parties implement slow computing ideologies into their systems as policy proposals.”
 * Sentence fragment. Would recommend incorporating this into the previous sentence.

General Comments


 * I really liked reading your article! There were moments where I was a bit confused by your sentence structure, which I think could use some work overall.
 * Something I would recommend is reading your writing to yourself aloud to get an easier sense if things still make sense. This may also help in further identifying your sentence fragments.
 * Some grammatical nitpicks, mostly having to do with sentence fragments as identified above. Make sure your sentences don’t start with a proposition in your article.