User:Christinetranster/Health in Vietnam/Npatel23 Peer Review

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General info

 * christinetranster

I'm just copying your paragraph and underlining my edits / suggestions that are slightly nit-picky. I also wasn't sure whether this is replacing or just adding to the existing content in the article.

Health Issues Section
-I'm not sure where this paragraph is going to fit into the article, but it sounds good, concise, and relevant.

-If it's meant to replace the current issues section, I think it could be expanded a bit to include some of the information already in the article as it seems relevant.

HIV/AIDS: don't need colons after anything
Since the mid-1990s, the United States Agency for International Development (USAID) has developed programs in Vietnam to combat HIV/AIDS. The USAID collaborates with the Government of Vietnam at the national, provincial, and district levels by delivering prevention, c are, and treatment services, advocating to strengthen the health system, and providing sustainable long term plans. People who inject drugs, commercial sex workers and potential clients, and men who have sex with other men are the most at risk and susceptible to HIV infections. <- this sentence feels out of place. USAID provides a community based approach by treating patients with antiretroviral treatments. <- this sentence also feels out of place. Maybe expand on what community based approach means, move it, or delete it. The USAID helps provide funding to achieve Vietnam's "90-90-90" goals which are to ensure 90% of people that have HIV are aware they have HIV, 90% of people diagnosed with HIV (deleted "will") receive antiretroviral therapy, and 90% of people receiving treatment will be able to see the virus suppressed. Most of the testing that occurs amongst the two geographic regions are Hanoi, Quang Ninh, Dong Nai, Tay Ninh, Then Giang, and Ho Chi Minh City.

Notes:


 * I think this paragraph could use a little bit more data in a introduction-type paragraph that maybe includes some of the information from the original article. this paragraph could be a good place to put the sentence "People who inject drugs, commercial sex workers and potential clients, and men who have sex with other men are the most at risk and susceptible to HIV infections"
 * Also make sure to link to other wikipedia articles - i'm sure that HIV and USAID articles exist

Pandemics:
Vietnam is located in the tropical and temperate zone. It is more prone to zoonotic diseases. <- definitely need a source for this In recent years, the country has been affected by SARS, avian influenza A(H5N1), influenza A (H5N6), and SARS-COVID19. Spillovers of viruses from animals to humans is attributed to the agricultural-centered economy and animal consumption.

The Global Health Security Agenda and USAID address the disease surveillance and outbreak response in Vietnam through operational platforms and creating disease portfolios with animal origins.


 * This section could use another source if you have one?
 * I think its a little heaving on USAID information - is the government not doing anything at all? If not, it might be worth mentioning that so it doesn't seem biased towards focusing on American / development organization responses

Smoking:
In Vietnam, 40,000 people die due to tobacco-related diseases. Thirty percent of heart disease deaths are caused by smoking cigarettes. Maybe combine these first two sentences, esp. if they're from the same source In 2018, the World Health Organization surveyed that one in two male adults (45.3%) were smoking tobacco.

maybe make this a new paragraph Vietnam has reduced the supply of tobacco products through the ratification of the World Health Organization Framework Convention on Tobacco Control. Additionally, Vietnam has banned the advertisement of tobacco, requir ed health warnings on tobacco packaging, and increas ed tobacco taxes. In 2013, Vietnam launched the National Strategy on Tobacco Control which prohibits smoking in indoor public and workspaces. The goal is to reduce smoking rates among the youth demographic (15-24 years old) from 26% (2011) to 18% (2020), and adult males 47.4% (2011) to 39% (2020). this is really specific information; potential reword "In 2013, Vietnam launched the National Strategy on Tobacco Control which prohibits smoking in indoor public and workspaces in an effort to significantly reduce smoking rates across many demographic groups"

Tuberculosis
Vietnam ranks 13th on the list of 22 countries with the highest tuberculosis burden in the world. Potential reword: Vietnam has the 13th highest tuberculosis burden in the world. Approximately 55 tuberculosis related deaths occur in Vietnam each day. In 1989, the Ministry of Health in Vietnam addressed the tuberculosis burden by establishing the National Institute of Tuberculosis and Lung Diseases and implemented ( implementing - parallel structure) the DOTS strategy (maybe define this strategy because it hasn't been mentioned in the article yet) as a national priority. Vietnam’s health service system consists of “four different levels: the central level headed by the Ministry of Health (MOH), provincial health services, district health services, and commune health centers. (missing an endquote, also I think wikipedia doesn't like quotes that much, if this is common knowledge it may not need quotation marks. Also maybe move this sentence to the beginning, before "In 1989") These departments worked with the National Institute of Tuberculosis and Lung Diseases to ensure that there were treatment and prevention plans for long term reduction of tuberculosis <- This sentence seems redundant, maybe combine the one before and after this note. The National Institute of Tuberculosis supports developing TB- related strategies and managing guidelines for the different levels of healthcare in Vietnam. At the provincial level, there are health centers that diagnose and treat patients. The district health services detect tuberculosis and provide stipends to treat patients. It is also responsible for implementing the DOTS strategy and supervising tuberculosis programs at the commune level. Potential Rephrase: district health services work on detecting TB, providing stipends for treatment, implementing DOTS strategy, and supervising TB programs at the commune level. The commune level provides treatment and vaccination for children. All four levels work together not only to provide ongoing treatment and examination, but also to establish trust in the government health services implemented through community relationships and a close network of doctors, faculty, and patients.

maybe start a new paragraph for this section: In 2002, Vietnam also implemented a communication plan to provide accurate educational information in order to respond to any barriers or misperceptions about tuberculosis treatment. The government worked with the World Health Organization, Center for Disease and Control Prevention, and local medical non-profits such as Friends for International Tuberculosis Relief to provide information about the causes of TB, sources of infection, how it is transmitted, symptoms, treatment, and prevention. The National Tuberculosis Control Program works closely with the primary health care system at the central, provincial, district, and commune levels which has proven to be an incredibly imperative measure of success. This last sentence also seems a bit redundant.

Notes:


 * your content is definitely relevant and up to date
 * I'm wondering if it might be worth adding back in or including some of the original content on disease burden in the country. Right now, the first two sentences don't really flow with the rest of the content, but they could either stand alone or be supplemented by some more data
 * Not sure if mentioning your specific non-profit is relevant if there are a lot of others doing similar work but I think if yours is the main one its understandable
 * everything appears to be appropriately cited but it could maybe use a few more citations? It may just appear this way if a lot of your information is coming from only a couple of good sources


 * I think it could use some reorganization and have left some suggestions in the actual text
 * I think its worth trying to split up the paragraph into smaller ones so its more digestible than just one large block of text