User:ChurchOfThePickledMonkey

The Church of the Pickled Monkey was a short-lived religious movement that began and ended in 2008.

Church Doctrine
Not much information was ever released to the public regarding the beliefs of the Church of the Pickled Monkey. Officially, membership in CPM was open to anyone interested in joining.

On August 13, 2008 a CPM clergyman who identified himself only as Umopapisdn was quoted as follows:

"'Really, we're just like Catholics, only instead of the popemobile, our spiritual leader rides around in a mason jar.'"

Internal church documents have also suggested that a grass-roots effort was underway to replace all copies of the Gideon Bible with copies of "The Complete Adventures of Curious George." The level of success of this effort may never be known.

Pre-Emptive Excommunication
While officially the Church of the Pickled Monkey was open to anyone who wished to join, the church specifically reserved the right of praenuntio excommunicare. This right was only invoked one time. According to church documents, an individual listed only as Truthteller was pre-emptively excommunicated on August 13, 2008.

Claims of Religious Persecution
The Church of the Pickled Monkey expressed disappointment over reports in various Japanese media outlets denegrating the church's missionary activities. Church missionaries were publicly accused of biting, stealing and excrement tossing.

Dissolution of the Church
On September 16, 2008, a church founder allegedly kidnapped the spiritual leader of the Church of the Pickled Monkey and sold him on the Internet auction site, eBay.

The winning bid was USD $4.00.

It was later discovered that the rogue clergyman blew the auction procedes on two double cheeseburgers, a small fry, and a sweet tea at McDonalds.

The church was officially dissolved, citing lack of spiritual direction and financial ruin.

(Mr. 66_186_132_168.dsl.lan2wan.com, please stop defacing this page.)