User:Cindycai1998/sandbox

Foundations II 2022 Group [C] proposed edits
1. Lead: The first sentence is a run-on sentence. Although it defines congenital blindness well, this should be updated for clarity. This portion also references the East African Journal of Ophthalmology from a 2008 paper. We will look into more current reviews. The lead also mentions gene therapy, but it does not include a source. It also calls gene therapy a cure; however, this needs to be verified. The word "cure" is a non-specific and emotionally-loaded word that should be changed. Additionally, the definition of "postnatal" needs to be revised in accordance with the WHO definition. The last portion of the lead should be furthered with separate epidemiology and treatment sections. Celestenoelle.bustria (talk) 22:47, 25 July 2023 (UTC)[ reply]

2. Causes: The prenatal section needs to be more than just a list. Some of the sources are also from more than 20 years ago and need to be updated. A possible citation can be:. The postnatal section uses heavy science terms and can be simplified for accessibility to a wider audience. The images used for this section do not add any real value as the images are not referenced or explained in the greater text. The sources for this section should be updated to a systematic review. Shannonchan futurepharmd (talk) 23:10, 25 July 2023 (UTC) Previous authors listed measles as one of the prenatal causes of congenital blindness. However, after reading through the reference article, it was found that measles-caused blindness occurs postnatally.So it should be removed from the section. Additional causes of prenatal blindness include birth defects such as anophthalmos (born with only one eye or lost both eyes), microphthalmos (underdevelopment of one or both eyes), and coloboma (a portion of tissue missing in the eye(s)). Other causes are congenital cataract (cloudiness of the lens of the eye(s)), retinal genetic abnormalities like Leber's congenital amaurosis (severe vision loss in early childhood), infantile glaucoma (increased pressure in the eyes leading to eye nerve damage and blindness), and congenital cloudy cornea.Cindycai1998 (talk) 01:56, 26 July 2023 (UTC)[ reply]

3. Diagnosis: We will update to the American spelling for words like pediatrics. We will also define or link an explanation for some of the more technical terms like colomba and aniridia. The last sentence also requires a source and we should expand the information on diagnosing pregnant women and genetic testing. Furthermore, more inclusive language should be used in mention of gender.

4. Gene Therapy Treatment: We will update this section to a more comprehensive research section that includes more current research. This section also includes mention of gene therapy that directly contradicts what is stated in the lead.

We hope to add the following sections based on the systematic reviews that we find. These section are as follow: Signs & Symptoms, Pathophysiology, Causes, Diagnosis, Prevention, Treatment, Epidemiology, History, Research

Sources to be used include PCORI, Cochrane, AHRQ, WHO, and National Level Health Guidelines. Some grammatical errors were already edited directly into the article sandbox. All members contributed equally to this assignment for small group session #1. Jdpcal (talk) 22:40, 25 July 2023 (UTC)[ reply]

Peer Review
The group has done an excellent job of improving the article and achieving its overall goals. However, I have a few minor suggestions to make. First, in the lead section, I wish a hyperlink could be added for "pubic bone" or a short description can be provided followed by the term, like "ischial" from the first part of the sentence. Since the audience has different educational levels, providing explanations or relevant links would help the reader smoothly navigate through the paragraph.

Additionally, the term "pre-peritoneal fat" is linked to "extraperitoneal space." However, "extraperitoneal" is only the generic concept for "retroperitoneal," "subperitoneal," and "preperitoneal." To provide accurate information, the hyperlink should directly lead to the "preperitoneal" page on Wikipedia.

In the epidemiology and etiology section, it would be beneficial to link jargon terms like "adipose tissue" when they first appear in the article. Similarly, in the prognosis section, more hyperlinks for jargon terms like "fallopian tube" should be added.

Regarding the diagnosis section, it would be ideal to find more recent sources than the one referenced (#7), which dates back to 1980.

Lastly, I suggest considering the addition of more pictures throughout the article to enhance its visual appeal and make the content more engaging. Overall, the team has done an impressive job in explaining a complex medical term, and the information provided is highly informative.