User:Cinnamoncardamom/Education policy/Pikelake6 Peer Review

General info
Cinnamoncardamom
 * Whose work are you reviewing?
 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * Education policy - Wikipedia
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)

Evaluate the drafted changes
Guiding questions:


 * Has the    Lead been updated to reflect the new content added by your peer?
 * Does the    Lead include an introductory sentence that concisely and clearly describes     the article's topic?
 * Does the    Lead include a brief description of the article's major sections?
 * Does the    Lead include information that is not present in the article?
 * Is the    Lead concise or is it overly detailed?

Content
Guiding questions:


 * Is the    content added relevant to the topic?
 * Is the    content added up-to-date?
 * Is there    content that is missing or content that does not belong?
 * Does the    article deal with one of Wikipedia's equity gaps? Does it address topics     related to historically underrepresented populations or topics?

Tone and Balance
Guiding questions:

Lead: Good lead that reflects the balance of the article. My only comment is that you jump from the definition to what education policy analysis is. I would think that you would write first about what education is (3rd paragraph). And then end with analysis. But, what do I know! I am not the expert - but it seems that is a more logical approach (Education policy - Education - Example of Policies - Policy Analysis). But you have it all there. I would also describe social engineering and why you make this statement. Next - state what your sections will be here to layout your article (I forgot to do this as well)
 * Is the    content added neutral?
 * Are there any    claims that appear heavily biased toward a particular position?
 * Are there    viewpoints that are overrepresented, or underrepresented?
 * Does the    content added attempt to persuade the reader in favor of one position or     away from another?

Content: Relevant and up to date citations although there are some very old citations that may not be needed. The content is neutral - just tells the history and story without bias.

I also think that the topics are appropriate, and we get a broad picture of the topic area. If you make a statement that made a recommendation (teacher education), you backed it up with good citations. I also think that you covered the topic well but I am recommending a different organization to make it more clear (see below). I also like the education reform section but check the organization and break it into paragraphs.

Organization and Presentation/Grammar: I am going to recommend a different flow to the article. Put Educational Reform at the End. Start out with the Nine Key Dimensions and have a section on each if they deserve it. Then have the sections follow in order. Also, all type/font size should be the same. A couple of little grammar/spelling mistakes (analyse). Also, break the longer sections into paragraphs organized around the lead sentence.

Links: All of the links - and I tested a lot, seem to work ok. A couple went to a link that I could not fully open because the article was not accessible to me. This happens in my article too so I don't know what we are to do in those cases. I will ask the instructor.

'''Does the    article deal with one of Wikipedia's equity gaps? Does it address topics    related to historically underrepresented populations or topics?'''

I am so glad that you added the section on gender equity because of relevance to equality. Can you explain SDG 4 monitoring? Do you want to add racial inequality as well in your final draft. Also, good idea to have a map for your graphic but where did it come from and what are the 12 countries? Can you add more information because we can't see and I dont know what the graphic is relevant. And -- why were these countries reviewed and what was the outcome?

An excellent start to this content area and very thoughtful links add to your story. I will learn from this and add more to my article.