User:Citrusaries/Western Illinois University Marching Leathernecks/PumpkinBread11 Peer Review

General info
(provide username) Citrusaires
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 * Link to draft you're reviewing User:Citrusaries/Western Illinois University Marching Leathernecks:
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists) Western Illinois University Marching Leathernecks:

Evaluate the drafted changes
Hi Ajayla! Your lead is fantastic. Your introductory sentence is directly to the point and introduces your topic perfectly! It does not contain a brief description of the new sections, but I honestly think it's ok on its own. All information alluded to in the lead can be found in the article. The lead is concise, the language is not flowery.

The content is relevant to the topic. It is also up-to-date. There is no content here that should be gone. I really enjoyed reading about Ollie the blue whale. What a fun tradition! I didn't know a lot of the information in the article you've written, actually. The article does not deal with a Wikipedia equity gap.

The content is neutral, I would say it does read at times as though it were written by a member of the color guard. The more you can make yourself sound distant, the more professional it will come off. There are no claims made that are heavily biased and it does not come off as persuasive.

For sources and references, there are quite a few pieces of new information about the color guard that are not backed up by a source. I'm not sure if this is an issue or not. I'm not sure if you can cite yourself or if that will create new issues. Maybe you could get Dr. Thomas on record as saying some of these things? I'm just not sure, but there is not one source cited.

Your content is well-organized, I really liked the way you broke it down into different sections. It is very concise and mostly easy to read. I will say I think you have a tendency to use transition words in excess at times. (For example: however, in addition, then) There are just a few grammatical issues. I found a few instances of words being capitalized in the middle of sentences, probably a biproduct of editing. Just read carefully to weed those out!

There are no images added here, but I really think you should add some. The WIU Marching Band page barely has any to begin with, I think representing the color guard through images is a great idea.

Overall, I think you did a fantastic job! Seeing what you've done has actually helped me figure out a few ideas for my own Wikipedia project, so thank you! Keep it up!