User:Cleverfruit/Nakkaş Sinan Bey/Happyducks Peer Review

General info
Cleverfruit
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Cleverfruit/Nakkaş Sinan Bey
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists):Nakkaş Sinan Bey

Evaluate the drafted changes
Lead: I think the lead was updated to reflect the addition to the article. The lead mentions Nakkaş' life and the artistic styles that influenced his artwork. I do think it would be clearer, however, to change the title "important works and styles" into a title that emphasizes the mixture of "Eastern and Western aesthetics" as seen through these important art works. Since the lead only mentions the blending of techniques, it might be nice to emphasize technique over specific artworks.

Tone: Overall, the tone is neutral and there is no persuasion or argument being made. There are two points that I think could be modified a little bit. The first is the line "Furthermore, his official occupation as a court interpreter (though not fully testified due to a lack of sufficient evidence (pp. 296)) suggests that he holds equal fluency in verbal and visual translation of the Italian language and aesthetics." I am unsure if using the word "official" is a good choice if there is insufficient evidence that he was actually a court interpreter. Along that same vein, we then can't say anything about his translation skills. His translation skills also seem irrelevant, so it could be better to leave this sentence out.

The second place that I think could be modified is about the contested authorship of the Seated Painter. I think you are right in pointing out the contested authorship, but the sentence structure could be reorganized to bring your point across in a neutral way. Instead of using a definitive "it is attributed to Sinan Bey by Julian Ray..." before introducing the lack of authorship on the museum's website, it might be better to say "The authorship of this painting is highly contested...Julian Ray and her colleagues think... while the museum's website does not recognize an author...".

Great number of sources and organization!

Images: I think reordering the images can help the viewer in identifying which is which. Since the Bust Portrait of Mehmed is mentioned second, the Seated Painter image should go under the medals and portrait of Mehmet.

Overall, I think you did a wonderful job with an article that only had a couple sentences to begin with!