User:Coccinellee/Azza Ghanmi/Cliopentimento Peer Review

General info
Coccinellee
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing:https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Coccinellee/Azza_Ghanmi?veaction=edit&preload=Template:Dashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists):

Evaluate the drafted changes
Lead: Good intro information. Can you provide the birth year of Ghanmi? Please hyperlink to other organizations, proper nouns, and CEDAW, for example. I'm going to provide comments on the text here and other parts of the draft in bold:

"Beyond her organizational roles, Ghanmi co-founded The Democratic Women IS THIS THE FULL NAME? PLEASE BRIEFLY EXPLAIN WHAT THIS WAS and the magazine Nissa (PUT NISSA IN ITALICS) in 1985"

Ghanmi's contributions are deeply rooted in the universalistic feminism tradition. (I'm not sure what this means. I'd either be clearer here (was she a secular feminist?) or delete.) Her Mouvement féministe tunisien reflects a commitment to international human rights conventions. '''WHY IS THE FEMINIST TUNISION MOVEMENT IN FRENCH HERE? IS THIS REFERRING TO AN ORG? You might cut this paragraph and instead explain in the body of the entry when and which of her groups have committed to international human rights conventions (and which conventions). Through her efforts, Azza Ghanmi has left a mark on the Tunisian feminist movement and has  contributed to the broader pursuit of gender equality." Your lead section already says this a few times. ("Ghanmi has played a role in advancing women's rights within Tunisia" ) Figure out where you want to say it, and just say it once.'''

Body: Overall, the structure and organization seem strong, although you need to include dates for when the various organizations were founded.

Early life & activism.

Within the club, Ghanmi was a part of the focus group dedicated to discourse regarding "Women and the Family," including issues of sexuality. '''What issues of sexuality? Be specific'''

She stopped attending club meetings at the Cultural Center by 1982 amid waves of internal conflicts among over its methodology. Explain briefly what this means?

In the wake of events of mass unrest in the early 1980s such as the Sabra and Shatila Massacre and Israel's invasion of Lebanon, Ghanmi became involved with an early iteration of the Association tunisienne des femmes démocrates. Good that you hyperlinked this group, but please provide a brief definition/ID of it.

In addition to her feminist activism, Ghanmi is trained in medicine. '''When and where (if you know)? Did this happen before she started engaging in feminist activism?'''

Nissa Magazine

Nissa is a journal addressing women’s issues cofounded by Azza Ghanmi along with other Tunisian feminists in 1985. '''Did she co-found it as part of a group, was it the journal of one of her women's orgs? Or was it autonomous? Please explain briefly'''

Change "directress" to "director" (which is a gender neutral word)

Internal disputes arose within Nissa primarily around articles criticizing the Personal Status Code and whether to accept writers of both sexes. Dissatisfied with the group’s decisions on such issues, Azza Ghanmi, Zeineb Guehiss, Nadia Hakimi, and Neila Jrad published an article in Nissa criticizing the journal for distancing itself from its primary objective of expressing diversity. Can you clarify where, exactly, they stood on the disputes re the Personal Status Code and whether they wanted to include writers of both sexes?

Involvement in organizations

You already do talk about her involvement in organizations earlier in the entry, so what is distinguishing this part of the entry?

Ghami, along with fellow Tunisian feminist scholar Dorra Mahfoudh, is a co-founder and member of two Tunisian feminist groups, the Tunisian Association of Democratic Women (ATFD), and the Association of Tunisian Women for Research and Development (AFTURD).Include the dates these groups were founded as well as, briefly, what their objectives were.

In addition, she is allied with the Association of African Women for Research and Development (AFARD). Include date of its founding and briefly its objectives.

Although not a member of the National Union of Tunisian Women (UNFT), Ghanmi wrote of the alliances that the UNFT created in 1982 as a way to increase its relevance during the rise of the autonomous feminist movement in Tunisia. '''This is the first mention of an autonomous feminist movement in Tunisia. Is this part of the larger context of her activism? Be sure to explain some of that context in the article.'''

These alliances were professional women’s leagues that sought to recruit intellectual women, with Ghanmi describing them as the precursor to future UNFT strategies. '''I'm confused how UNFT alliances were precursors to their strategies? describing them as INFLUENTIAL to their strategies?'''

Is Ghanmi still alive? What is she doing now, and what did she do after the 1980s? You might consider a concluding section that discusses this.

Great work. I look forward to seeing the revisions and how this continues to develop. KM