User:Coco0245/Chinese patriarchy/NanL Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

NatalieCampbell, Zhuolin Wu


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Cocomiller/Chinese_patriarchy?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Chinese patriarchy

Evaluate the drafted changes
These two students changed the vast majority of the history section of the essay. The essays were well written and explained the difference between the status of women and men in Chinese history, as well as the dominance of men's status. They removed the main beginning and the revised lead sentence did not contain a description of the main section. I know that both authors were trying to explain that Confucianism was one of the most important causes of patriarchal society, but the core of the revised essay was more Confucian. The content is revised very, very well, but there are some words used that are a bit radical. The tone of the essay is more critical, and the last sentence does not serve as a summary but deviates from the theme to talk about the status of modern women.