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Coconustian Religions

Coconustian

Coconustians believe that there are two extremes and you live your whole life in one and go to the other extreme if you do not please the respective deity. At birth you are put into either the Coconutty extreme or the Nutty extreme. The Nutty extreme is considered bad and the Coconutty extreme is considered good. Most try to be in the Coconutty extreme. The Holy Book “The Sands” supposedly formed at the base of Coconutty's death after his funeral is divided into three books. Coconutty, Nutty, and Tales. Coconutty describes the building and living conditions of that extreme while book Nutty does the same for the other extreme. Tales are myths and legends compiled by important figures.

Mofliism

Mofliism follows the life of Coconutty as God and believe in Nutty as the Devil and are criticized by Coconustian as being to harsh. They also believe the holy book comes from the grave but it is the “Book of Reeds” and contains four books, Coconutty, Devil's Scripture, Messiah Mloy, and Tales. They also believe in Mloy as the Messiah and believe that you must strive to find a new Messiah. At age 11 all children read from the Reeds and choose their first Mloy, legend says that the next Messiah won't be found until Ml. Charles, Ml. John, and Ml. Thomas return to the house of the grave.

Mloyism

They believe that Mloy is God and Coconutty is a mere prophet. They also believe that Nutty as Mloy's uncle is a prophet and pray that he is accepted. They pray from the Mloyfli which contains eight books, Prophets, Resolves, Discoveries, Becomings, Teachings, Mysteries, Afterwards, and Tales. At age 7 all children must know how to identify a Mloy. Mloyists are taught to be Cosher and never eat any coconut involved foods or drinks as they are considered part coconut (a highly controversial subject)

Neilaism

Neilaism follows the teachings of Neila, the apparent son of Mloy when Mloy taught in Long Neck, NY. All Neilaists must travel to Long Neck, NY once during their life. Mloy is a prophet in Neilaism as it follows Neila through his lonely childhood and struggle through neck cancer. He was born on October 28th, Neilamas. The Holy Book the Neilorah has five books, Genesis, Exodus, Encounters, Exile, and Prosecution. There are no clear rites in Neilaism. The five pillars are Yeet, Neck, Eyelashes, Hairline, and Eyebrows. Each are pointed to (Yeet is like shooting a basketball) with three fingers on the left hand and two on the right. It is also the only one to not consider Mloy George sacred. It is said Neila passed away and came back to life. They call his pre-death personality, Alien and post-mortum Neila.

Mafloism

Mafloism follows the Maflo and finds Mloy George sacred. Maflo is believed to be one of Mloy's children. They pray to the Maflo by constantly playing and moving, Mafloese kids can't attend typical schools because of this. In Mafloism it is sacred to play Digball or Eeeball each morning before school or work. The Holy Book the Mafloran contains three books, Mloy George, Mafloster, and Tales. Mafloese children spend their whole childhood preparing for the rite at age 23 of Mafloiron, where they participate in a large sport of their choice with family. They see Neila as semi-holy but feel more inclined to Maflo.

Nuttianity

They believe Nutty is God and strive to clear the Holy Name of Nutty. They do this by extensively studying all five books of the other religons to find flaws in Coconutty and pros in Nutty. They find Mloy George sacred but also journey to the Tallahassee Publix where Nutty was adopted from. Their holy book, Nutty Scrolls are divided into Coconustianity, Mofliism, Mloyism, Neilaism, and Mafloism that describe the earliest found pros and cons of the respective prophets. They do not oppose Coconutty but they just want to clear Nutty's image. At age 12 children find their own flaws in the books.