User:Cole Quade/Science in the Renaissance/Katefogarty7 Peer Review

General info
Cole Quade
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Cole Quade/Science in the Renaissance - Wikipedia
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists):

Evaluate the drafted changes
Overall, your additions to the article were done very well and I think they add to the purpose of the article. One thing to do is add citations at the end of every sentence so readers know exactly where the information came from. The two sources you used are credible and reliable; I would suggest adding a third source to get another perspective on the ideas you are adding to the article, so not all your information is coming from the same source. In terms of reading through your article, I felt like at some points the sentences did not flow well and were hard to understand. The first sentence I had to reread about 4 times, and I still do not know exactly what you are trying to get across. I would break that up in two sentences or make it more clear with who believed/did what. For astronomy I would reword the first sentence to be: With the addition of more advanced tables and mathematics, it allowed for the creation of the Gregorian calendar in the year 1583 to replace the Julian calendar, which had several errors. (Or something along the lines) This is just a suggestion, but I would write something clearer that helps you get the main point across to the readers. For mathematics, the last sentence doesn't flow very well, I would suggest a different ending part maybe: because optimization of cities and structures were becoming of importance in this era. Other than that, I think the additions to the section are very good. The trigonometry section is well done. For physics saying the: of this time with the Greeks and time of the Greeks, twice in the paragraph was kind of repetitive from a reader's perspective. You could switch the second one to just Greeks since you stated it in the sentence before. I would also change the wording of the last sentence to: Another related field soon opened up as technology and warfare advanced: the development of firearms and the need for new ballistic calculations. The extra words did not flow to well while I was reading and distracted me from the point you were trying to get across. Other than those suggestions, I think your additions are very well and they add to the article. I think just rewriting some sentence and parts to make it easier to read will help get your point across even more. Overall, your additions were well organized and improve the content of the article.