User:Cole Quade/Science in the Renaissance/Kwyle1604 Peer Review

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Evaluate the drafted changes
Cole,

I thing you definitely have a strong start in your additions to your article. I like how you kept consistent with the format of the article, adding information to each sub-section. Although, I am wondering about your first sentence. The main question I had about it was where does this statement about Bruno fit in to the article. If you have a specific spot in mind and it just doesn't show in the draft then that is totally fine but I would make sure it has a dedicated spot where it really adds something to the article. I think really your only other shortcomings arise in some grammar and phrasing issues. A few examples I noticed stick out were: in your first sentence I would break it up into two sentences. I'd rephrase it to say something like "... who he believed to have flawed logic. To counter this, he developed a mathematical doctrine..." something like that to fix a bit of a run on. In your astronomy section I would simplify it to say something like "advancements in tables and mathematics allowed for the lasting..." I would also consider breaking this sentence up as well as it is a little choppy in the last half. In the trig section you can just start a new sentence at "published post-mortem." Also I would say "became the base" instead of "has become" just sounds more proper. In the last sentence of this same section I would just say "measurement technology" instead of "the measurements technology." I would break your last sentence in physics into two sentences. Ultimately good additions, just some simple phrasing things. Also I think Dr. Sheppard wants us to have a citation after every sentence so I would add those in. I'd also just read through out loud and see if anything sounds off to you and try to spice up some of your simple words like "big." Great work so far though!