User:Coleh16/Joseph Lloyd

Not to be confused with registered Californian sex offender, Joseph Lloyd Anthony, Jr. (http://www.homefacts.com/offender-detail/GA325674PB9/Joseph-Lloyd-Anthony-Jr.html).

In the Beginning
Though his true origins are unknown, most believe that Joseph Lloyd was created by God shortly after the Fall of Man, to watch over humanity. He is said to have watched over Cain during his exile, and to have directed the flow of animals toward the ark during the Great Flood. Later, Joseph was called upon to help Moses in Egypt. Joseph gave Moses speech lessons, so that he could more easily convince the Pharaoh to let the Jews go. The Pharaoh did not listen, so Joseph took matters into his own hands. Joseph stared at the Nile until all the water in it turned to blood, which caused a nine-day long chain reaction known as the first nine of the Ten Plagues.

Asia and India
Later, Joseph Lloyd entrusted himself to take care of the Asian continent, where he dreamt the subcontinent of India into existence. He then led a sect of Indo-Europeans to the land to colonise it. They called him Vishnu, which, of course, was an ancient Sanskrit/Hindi mixture for Joseph Lloyd. Then, at around 3,000 B.C., Joseph showed the Mesopotamians how to create cement. During his time in Asia, he also introduced gunpowder to the Chinese, and showed them the technique for retrieving silk from the silkworm. He also traveled to Cambodia, where he invented the mango. After witnessing the creation of the mango, a tribe of Cambodians recorded that Joseph was a god, their God of the harvest. These beliefs then spread to Australia, the Philippines, and Hawaii, as well as the rest of mainland Southeast Asia.

Greece and Rome
When Joseph Lloyd first came to Greece, they paid him not much mind. He soon saw their attempts at sailing, and he took pity on them, by arranging the stars in recognisable patterns, some of which even pertained to their own mythology, so that they could sail by the stars. After Joseph left, the Greeks established a position called the Oracle, to try to carry on the title and wisdom of Joseph Lloyd, whom they venerated. Joseph soon left Greece for Rome, to whence the defeated enemies of Greece, the Trojans followed him. The Trojans, with nothing left, sought Joseph's help. Joseph selected the two best suited leaders of the Trojan people, Romulus and Remus, to rule over the land. Romulus and Remus had been raised by Joseph's dog, Skippy, who was later interpreted into Latin mythology as Lupa. However, after misunderstanding his designation, the two brothers fought to the death and Romulus ruled over Rome. Many hundred years later, after finally realising Joseph's intentions of a two-person leadership, the Romans established the position of consul, which was old Latin for Joseph Lloyd.

Lloydian History Anno Domini
In the years 150-300, Joseph used to take his annual fall holiday to Ireland, until the local Druids claimed that he was a god because the spirit world was unnaturally close to the human world when Joseph was around. This event, which they celebrated annually, evolved into Halloween.

In 391, Joseph Lloyd removed his shirt inside the Library of Alexandria.

At around 1200, Joseph Lloyd visited Chile, turned toward the Pacific Ocean and made a funny face. Hundreds of miles away, stone statues of faces erected themselves to try to impress Joseph, but it did not work. This island is now known as Easter Island.

In 1215, as the Danish crusade of Estonia was failing, God called upon Joseph to give Denmark the victory, so Joseph dropped from the sky the Dannebrog, a red flag with a white cross, which raised morale and turned the battle around, resulting in Danish victory.

In 1590, Joseph visited North Carolina and found a settlement with laws which he found disagreeable (and communist). To fix the situation, he simply uttered the word "Croatoan," making everyone disappear.

In 1945, Joseph looked at a man with too much concentration and the man was sent back to the Devonian period and consumed by a dunkleosteus. This man was Adolf Hitler.

During the later twentieth century, North America and Europe were in constant fear, paranoia, and tension as Joseph Lloyd was trying to decide where to take his holiday. This event was later called the Cold War.

As a young child, a boy named Jonathan Smith saw Joseph's true form. His intellect and vocabulary regressed by 2.891176π years. He is still in recovery and can say simple phrases such as, "yeah," "okay," "all right," and "what." He is now known as Lil Jon.

Strake Jesuit Theatre
During his senior year at Strake Jesuit College Preparatory, Joseph acted in two plays. He played Alan in "This Is a Test" by Stephen Gregg as a part of the Strake Jesuit SDOAPS. He later played the voice in their production of "Duck Hunter Shoots Angel" by Mitch Albom. He also built some rockin' bungee-powered wings for that show.

In Popular Culture
The Joseph Lloyd meme is an internet meme based on a picture of Joseph from the late 2000's.