User:Communistbakery/Benet/Intellectual pixie Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Communistbakery


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Communistbakery/Benet?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)

Evaluate the drafted changes
I really liked the extensive family background/early life information your article provides!

For the lead try to make it more concise. Maybe try something like "Benet is a queer nonbinary RNB vocalist from Virginia".

For the article body make sure that all the information provided has a link to a reference at the end of the sentence. For example I am not able to tell what reference "They have created music for die-hard queer shows such as Killing Eve, Glee and now more recently shows like Euphoria, Steven Universe, and Adventure Time." is stemming from. Also there are some grammar errors and neutrality issues in the draft. Maybe try changing " Growing up in a musically inclined family, doing duets with their mom and inherited their grandmas vinyl record had curated a fine taste for music" into " Growing up in a musically inclined family, doing duets with their mom and inheriting their grandma's vinyl record collection helped curate their taste in music.".

Also its important for the refences to make sure you are rewording what the references said in your own words as to not plagiarize. And maybe double check with the professor if www.prodcamsmith.com/stanaccount is a reliable source.