User:ConMan/Mathematical joke

A mathematical joke is a form of professional humor which relies on an aspects of mathematics or a stereotype of mathematicians to derive humor. The humor may come from a pun or double meaning of a mathematical term, or on a non-mathematician's misunderstanding of a mathematical concept. Such jokes are frequently inaccessible to those without a mathematical bent.

Pun-based jokes
Person 1: What's the integral of 1/cabin?

Person 2: A log cabin.

Person 1: No, a houseboat - you forgot to add the C!

The first part of this joke relies on the fact that the primitive (formed during integration) of the function 1/x is log(x). The second part is then based on the fact that when taking an indefinite integral it is necessary to include a constant of integration, usually denoted as C - something which many calculus students forget. Thus, the integral of 1/cabin is "log(cabin) + C", or "A log cabin plus the sea", ie. "A houseboat".

Some of these jokes rely on the fact that many mathematical terms have non-mathematical meanings, such as the one-liner "Life is complex: it has both real and imaginary components."

One pun, also sometimes attributed to computer scientists, asks "Why do mathematicians think Halloween and Christmas are the same? Because 31 Oct = 25 Dec."

Mathematical reasoning
A similar set of jokes applies mathematical reasoning to situations where it is not entirely valid. Many of these are based on a combination of well-known quotes and basic logical constructs such as syllogisms:

Examples:


 * Major premise: Power corrupts.
 * Minor premise: Knowledge is power.
 * Conclusion: Knowledge corrupts.


 * Major premise: "Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery."
 * Minor premise: "Imitation is suicide." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
 * Conclusion: "Suicide is the sincerest form of flattery."

The second of these syllogisms happens to be a mathematical fallacy even when taken purely logically.

There are also a number of joke proofs, such as the proof that "Girls are evil":


 * 1) Girls require time and money: $$girls = time \times money$$
 * 2) "Time is money": $$time = money\,$$
 * 3) So girls are money squared: $$girls = money^2\,$$
 * 4) "Money is the root of all evil": $$money = \sqrt{evil}$$
 * 5) So girls are evil: $$girls = \left (\sqrt{evil} \right )^2 = evil$$

Mathematicians
Some jokes are based on stereotypes of mathematicians tending to think in complicated, abstract terms, causing them to lose touch with the "real world".

''A mathematician and his best friend, an engineer, attend a public lecture on geometry in thirteen-dimensional space. "How did you like it?" the mathematician wants to know after the talk. "My head's spinning", the engineer confesses. "How can you develop any intuition for thirteen-dimensional space?" "Well, it's not even difficult. All I do is visualize the situation in arbitrary N-dimensional space and then set N = 13."''

Many of these jokes compare mathematicians to other professions, typically physicists, engineers, or the "soft" sciences in a form similar to those which begin "An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman ..." or the like. The joke generally shows the other scientist doing something practical, while the mathematician does something less useful such as making the necessary calculation but not performing the implied action.

Examples:


 * A physicist and a mathematician are sharing a hotel room, and in the middle of the night both are awakened by the smell of smoke - a small fire has started in the room. The physicist jumps out of bed, rushes to the kitchen, fills a saucepan with water and throws it over the fire, which fizzles out. The physicist leaves the saucepan, with some water still in it, near their beds in case it is needed again, and both men go back to sleep.
 * Some time later, the mathematician again wakes up to the smell of smoke, but the physicist does not. Once again, a small fire has started in the room. The mathematician jumps out of bed, grabs the saucepan, and takes it back to the kitchen where he empties it and puts it back in the cupboard. He then returns to bed, safe in the knowledge that he has reduced the problem to one already solved.


 * A sociologist, a physicist and a mathematician are each locked in a prison cell and given a supply of canned food, but no can opener. After thirty days, the cells are unlocked.


 * The sociologist's cell has dents in the walls, and smashed cans and food everywhere. He threw the cans at the walls randomly until they burst open, and salvaged enough food to survive.
 * The physicist's cell wall is covered in calculations, and one corner is heavily damanged. He calculated the optimum way to throw the can at the wall to make it burst open reliably (to within a reasonable margin of error), and he too survived.
 * The mathematician's cell wall is likewise covered in calculations, but there are no dents in the walls. In fact, inside the cell sit the pile of cans, unopened, and the corpse of the mathematician. He was able to derive a nonconstructive proof that showed there was a way to throw the can of food at the wall, but could not find the solution.

These jokes may also compare different strands of mathematicians and statisticians. For example, in the above joke, a fourth cell may hold a topologist, and when the cell is opened again one of the cans is on the floor but the topologist is nowhere to be found. After hearing some tapping noises from the can, a can opener is quickly procured and the can is opened to reveal the topologist, who has somehow gotten himself stuck inside. Says the topologist, "Damn! I made a sign error!" (the joke being that in topology two orientations of an object - such as inside and outside - are usually distinguished by a negative sign).

Non-mathematicians
The next category of jokes is those that exploit common misunderstandings of mathematics, or the expectation that most people have only a basic mathematical education, if any.

Examples:


 * A visitor to the Royal Tyrell Museum was admiring a Tyrannosaurus fossil, and asked a nearby museum employee how old it was.
 * "That skeleton's sixty-five million and three years, two months and eighteen days old," the employee replied.
 * "How can you know it that well?"
 * "Well, when I started working here, I asked a scientist the exact same question, and he said it was sixty-five million years old - and that was three years, two months and eighteen days ago."


 * Two mathematicians are eating together at a diner, and they wind up arguing over how much mathematics the average person knows - one believes that most people have a reasonable knowledge, while the other thinks most people are incredibly ignorant when it comes to mathematics. While the second mathematician is in the restroom, the first decides to have a little fun to argue his point so he calls a waitress over and tells her "In a few minutes, I'm going to call you over again and ask you a question, and the answer will be 'One-third x cubed'. Can you remember that for me?"
 * "One thir dex cube," she says.
 * "One-third x cubed," he corrects her.
 * "One third ex cube," she repeats, and leaves.
 * When the second mathematician returns, the first one calls to the waitress and asks her "Waitress, what is the integral of x squared?" She replies "one-third x cubed," and then turns to walk away, but then calls over her shoulder "plus a constant!"

In the above example, the humour is that the waitress, chosen as an example of someone not expected to know much mathematics beyond adding up the bill, turns out to know enough calculus to correct the professor's omission.

Calculator words
One final, often cruder, form of mathematical humor comes from calculator spelling, words and phrases formed by entering a number and turning the calculator upside down. Due to their crudeness and relative simplicity (requiring only basic calculator skills to achieve), they are usually spread by schoolchildren. Often the words are accompanied by stories involving numbers that lead to the final "solution".

Example:


 * Christina Aguilera's boobs weigh 69 pounds (enter 69 into calculator), which is too, too, too much (enter 222, making 69222), and she lives on 51st Street (enter 51, making 6922251) with the other hookers. She sees a doctor, who thinks it will take 8 (multiply the number by 8, giving 55378008) operations to make her (turn the calculator upside down to reveal the calculator word) BOOBLESS.