User:Conceptcontext/Choi Seung-hee/Morwenna782 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

ConceptContext


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Conceptcontext/Choi_Seung-hee?veaction=edit&preload=Template:Dashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Choi Seung-hee

Evaluate the drafted changes
You additions have added more detailed and valuable information about this person.

I find the information about the Confucian ideals as they relate to dance, and the Japanese military to give context of what the cultural and governmental aspects were like and how they affected people, to be particularly useful. The detail regarding media perception was also valuable, as well as the issues she faced surrounding her name.

Overall, the information added provided a more detailed history of her early life, including the cultural and societal contexts and how those impacted her life. The additions were well written, fit in well with the existing article and maintains a tone of neutrality.

The sources for the new information all appear to be reliable journal articles and the links to the cited articles work.

Some grammatical notes: (If these are not within your added section, my apologies)

-- 'ballet' in the main paragraph of the bibliography, when you talk about where Ishii studied, has an extra 'l' --'Confucian" should be capitalized.

-- in the same sentence as "Confucian", you have the period after the in text citation and it should be before it.

--In the second to last sentence of this first main paragraph, there is a typo in the spelling of 'would'.

-- several typos at the end of the paragraph starting with 'Choi returned to Japan"

-- typo in the first sentence of your addition to 'Foreign Tour'.