User:Coolbutterfly/Artaphernes/Remus210 Peer Review

General info
Coolbutterfly
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing:User:Coolbutterfly/Artaphernes
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists):Artaphernes

Evaluate the drafted changes
The addition of a section on Hippas was a good addition, I think the article was expanded because of this, good job!

The first sentence in the pre-existing introduction reads a little clunkily to me, can this be worded differently and maybe broken up into a few sentences?

I will also recommend finding a few more sources. Herodotus is a great source, but maybe look into expanding into other sources contemporary with Artaphernes: are there any Persian sources he's described in?

In the box at the top with his native name, years of service, children and relations it mentions some things that might be able to be expanded on in a section of their own if you're able to find sources that talk about it. Did he have any children? Do we know? Was he married? Things like this. Are there any other markers of his time as satrap that we know of besides the wars?

I will admit it was a bit difficult at times to determine what edits were made because they were not differentiated from the rest of the pre-existing text. However, from what I was able to see the edits already made are moving in a positive direction.